10 o’clock list: Things I Wish I Had Given Up for Lent
For all you heathens out there, the reputable academic journal “Wikipedia” defines Lent as, “a solemn observance in the liturgical year during which an individual prepares for the annual commemoration of Jesus’ death and resurrection through prayer, penance, almsgiving, and self-denial.” As a semi-latent Catholic with a penchant for routine, I’ve always given up dessert – as in, “I won’t eat this ice cream directly after dinner but if I wait like 2 hours then I’m not technically eating dessert it’s more like a snack awyeah you got this gurl like an ice cream snack.” Ugh. Total snooze-fest amirite?
Since I’m highly unimaginative when it comes to sacrificing during the Lenten season, I thought I’d do a little research on what the kids are giving up these days. Turns out, they’re about as boring as I am, except for a few choice suggestions like “anywhere I have to wear shoes,” “the last bite of my food,” and “spoons and forks.” As tempting as a barefoot jaunt through the snow is, I figured I should perhaps put a little more personal consideration into my Lenten activities.
1. “Girls” – The HBO show, that is, not the gender. Thanks for showing me all the soul-crushing events lying in wait for me as a 20-something English major, Lena Dunham. Graduation is especially appealing now thanks to the sense of impending doom I’ve been carrying around in the pit of my stomach since that horrible, horrible finale. I could have accomplished like … many, many things had I not required a 2-day catatonic recovery period.
2. Non-research “researching” - Because I now possess the ability to orate extensively on, say, the Feral Children phenomenon, but find myself unable to remember a single Civil War term for my 100-level history class.
3. The Cove - On many a Saturday morning I awake with the realization that Hell is a perennially/ambiguously sticky floor filled to brimming with semi-strangers simultaneously elbowing you in the face and convincing you to take Fruit Loop shots. Maybe a 40-day absence period would have made the dingy lighting feel atmospheric or something.
4. Lent – There was always that one smart-ass in Sunday School who would stick it to the man or whatever and tell the teacher they were giving up Lent for Lent so ha ha. I was never cool enough/brave enough to go up against institutionalized religion so I’m doing a half-hearted version of it now. Boo-ya!
5. Avoiding comps - See what I did there? With the double-negative? I’m an English major so I have, like, you know, a deft ability with words or whatever. Basically what I mean is that I wish I had been studying for comps over the past 40 days and not watching HBO, reading up on Oksana the Dog Girl, or taking shots that involve both grenadine and milk.