Tomorrow’s Village Record reveals disturbing trend of pumpkin theft

Photo by massdistraction on Flickr.

The excerpt below, taken from the Village Record (the paper’s feature third most likely to actually get read by students, trailing behind Gambier Grillin’ and Quick Complaints) to be published in tomorrow’s Collegian, illustrates an unsettling rash of attempted thefts that took place on the Saturday of Reading Days.

Oct. 8, 12:46 p.m. — Theft/larceny: students took one pumpkin and two gourds from Peirce Hall. Items returned.

Oct. 8, 2:28 p.m. — Theft/larceny: students attempted to take large pumpkin from Peirce Hall. Report made.

Oct. 8, 11:43 p.m. — Theft/larceny: student taking pumpkin out of Peirce Hall. Safety officer stopped individual. Report made.

Yes, these all spanned less than 12 hours. Were Kenyon students, deeply stirred by the presence of Gourdzilla, just overcome with uncontrollable love for our gourd brethren? Did Peirce put something in the water over Reading Days? Whatever the reason, the would-be thieves should really set their squash sights higher — someone needs to take away AVI’s zucchini privileges.

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