This list compiled and written with the help of S. Ryan Kaye.
There are professors who are amazing in the classroom, and then there are professors who make you want to befriend them in the real world. Whether it’s their witty and well-timed pop culture references or their weirdly intriguing references to their personal life, here are the top five professors you want as your best friend.
1. William Scott & Peter Rutkoff (Your Drinking Buddies) — Between them exists a deep, comprehensive knowledge of baseball and working with power tools. How can you not go and grab a brew with them? Good, old-fashioned American Studies fun.
2. Zoe Kontes (Your Friend Who’s Cooler Than You) — Remember that time a professor flew from Gambier to New York to see Vampire Weekend and Superchunk and then did it again for CMJ? Or that time a professor played bass in the band “Oh The Humanities”? From what we can discern, if she could, she would be drinking PBRs and passing around a cigarette outside the Horn, but she can’t because she has a Ph.D and it’s beneath her.
3. Sergei Lobanov-Rostovsky (Your Mysterious Friend) — Or should we say Kenneth Abel? Not only does Sergei never reveal any trace of emotion, he lives a double life as the author of mystery novels like Down in the Flood, which was apparently called “brilliant” and “a stunning achievement.”
4. Tim Shutt (Your Friend with the Stories) — I’m pretty sure Tim Shutt is a Norse god who has been alive since the beginning of time. There’s no other explanation for the fact that he genuinely knows everything, and has a humorous anecdote to go with every strange fact in his repertoire.
5. Marla Kohlman (Your Friend Who’s Always Right) — No one gives off the impression of sheer, blistering competence like Marla, whose only weakness is Idris Elba’s piercing gaze. If you were friends with Marla, she would solve all your problems and still have time to watch General Hospital.