Tonight’s list comes to us once again from Thea Goodrich, guest contributor extraordinaire.
Unless you live in the ‘burbs, the Bexleys or Caples, the Health Center probably seems really far away. Unless you only get sick/crash your bike/need an Ace bandage on Mondays through Fridays, it also probably seems frustratingly unavailable. (Fun fact: like the Registrar’s office, the Health Center used to be closed from noon to 1:00 p.m. I know, right?!) But as we get closer and closer to the Months of Doom where the Krud reigns supreme, you should probably begin to familiarize yourself with what the Center has to offer. Unfortunately, if you contract swine flu you will simply have to inconvenience your roommate rather than being snugly quarantined up north in Sparrow House. (Second fun fact: That is the building’s official name. The website tells me so.)
The Health Center can, however, take your temperature, give you flu shots, wrap your arm in a puffable cuff, test you for all manner of various diseases, sign off on your physicals, assure you that allergies do not constitute the plague, provide permission to catch up on sleep, affirm that you haven’t grown an inch taller since ninth grade, provide pharmacy prescriptions, dress your Art Barn wounds, request a special “I’m on crutches”-type parking pass, alleviate your seasonal maladies and suggest that if you are coughing up a lung, it would be wise to skip the next rager.
If you don’t think you are in need of those services just yet, here are five other compelling reasons to make the trek up north (which, if you do it rapidly enough, may constitute one-third of the recommended daily amount of exercise).
- Tabloids. Since the Bookstore stopped carrying magazines two years ago, the only place in Gambier to regularly find glossy full-color photos of Hollywood starlets and leading men doing unsavory and/or ordinary things (other than by stealing your PO box buddy’s subscriptions) is in the Health Center’s waiting room. People and Entertainment Weekly may be a little outdated, but idly flipping through slick pages has a certain je ne sais quoi that scrolling though Perez Hilton’s posts just can’t provide. There is also a fine collection of National Geographic for those among us who feel guilty about skipping bio class to get that weird lesion checked out.
- Naptime. Once you’re ushered into an exam room, there might be a good 10 minutes or more between having your vitals checked and being treated for your specific ailment. Hop on that weirdly plastic reclining bed thing (making sure to cover it with a fresh sheet of butcher paper first) and take 40 winks! I guarantee it’ll be a lot more comfortable than dozing on your library cubicle’s desk. If you’re not generally jazzed by Top 40 hits or contemporary country, though, you might want to consider bringing your iPod along.
- Informational pamphlets. If you’re curious about anything from methods of birth control to what you should eat after getting over a stomach illness (i.e. a hangover) but don’t want your Firefox browser history to reflect your curiosity, the Health Center has a colorful tri-fold for you. Sadly, this one is not among them.
- The nurses. Amy, Pam, Karen, and Kim are actually very kind and caring people who will learn your name once you visit them often enough (though they probably draw the line at kissing your boo-boos). They’ve dealt with practically everything a college student could throw their way, so don’t be embarrassed to spill. If you ask politely, they might also give you a baggie full of alcohol prep pads!
- Free condoms Purell. Because prevention is the best medicine.