10 o’clock list: Five Types of People You’ll See in Gund Commons Late at Night

Wedding receptions are the only time this building is even vaguely non-depressing. (David Hoyt for The Thrill)

Because there’s nothing like a post Halloweekend all-nighter…

  • Vending machine scavengers — We get it. You’re high as fuck and all you want is a bag of Funyuns, but the ridiculous Great Vending Machine of Satan won’t take your K-Card. But do you really need to creepily hang around the downstairs vending machines in the hopes that someone forgets to pick up the food they bought?
  • People trying to print — “FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK.” [to person at the adjacent computer] “My professor wants it double-sided.”
  • Computer lab warriors — Whether you’re trying to win your stats homework with MiniTab or stay the stormy seas of the P-Drive, we salute you.
  • North dwellers who have their shit together and are too good for Gund — We see you, walking through the center hallway because it’s a faster way of getting to Caples than Middle Path. Just wait ’til finals week, when you try to infiltrate the complex Gunderworld culture and it rejects you like you’re a dance floor creeper at an Old Kenyon party.
  • First years who make noise — Don’t talk in the ballroom. Don’t listen to music through your headphones at a volume that will make you hard of hearing. Don’t use your groggers. Don’t talk about how you got glitter all over you during your Halloweekend hookup (1. Shower 2. I’m working on a term paper here). Don’t breathe unless you can do so in a way that is discreet. Welcome to Gund Commons, land of the tired.
Runners up: Art history majors who built that fort (Gambier’s hottest club is ROTHKO), fencers (what?), sad and lonely girl on a NOS cleanse.

3 responses

  1. i feel like a wedding reception would make this more depressing. because you know… you’re having your wedding reception at gund commons

  2. it hurts how true this is:
    Vending machine scavengers — We get it. You’re high as fuck and all you want is a bag of Funyuns, but the ridiculous Great Vending Machine of Satan won’t take your K-Card. But do you really need to creepily hang around the downstairs vending machines in the hopes that someone forgets to pick up the food they bought?

  3. Pingback: While You Were Gone… | The Thrill

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