Overheard at Kenyon

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You didn’t think anyone could hear you when you said that mortifying/hilarious/stupid/weird/drunk thing, did you? Little did you know, The Thrill has spies everywhere. Here, The Thrill presents a sampling of the best Overheard at Kenyon sound-bites from the past few weeks. Enjoy! (And if you happen to recognize your own choice words somewhere in here … sorry. Feel free to deny it vigorously.)

Lovestruck Guy in Peirce: “[Boy sitting at adjacent table] is just so beautiful!”
Girl #1: “He looks like he has a severe cocaine addiction.”
Girl #2: “He looks like he’s going to sell all your organs for drug money.”
Girl #3: “He looks like Tom Riddle.”
Lovestruck Guy in Peirce: “OKAY, STOP.”

Super-Suave Guy You Should Definitely Date, in International Line: “I wish I had a single so I could fuck a girl at night, then wake her up and fuck her again before breakfast.”

First-year housing, Halloween, 3:00 a.m.
Nosy Drunk Girl #1 sitting in hall, to girl exiting dorm room dressed in full-on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles suit: “Did you hook up?”
Unamused Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Girl, gesturing at suit: “Does it look like I’m trying to hook up in this?”

Outside the KAC
Disbelieving Guy: “Wait, you KAC?”
Admirably Honest Guy: “Yeah, I have a secret fear of going home for Thanksgiving and people saying ‘Oh God, he got fat.'”

On Middle Path
Sad Kenyon-Bubble Hipster: “I’m just trying to interact with the world, and it’s not going well.”

After Das Racist, Outside Peirce
Belligerent Drunk Girl, shouting audibly to Dap: “YOU KEEP DOIN’ YOU, MAN.”

Girl in Smather Hallway: “I got my period while standing on the Crozier porch tonight. I’m officially a Kenyon woman now.”

Commendably Self-Aware Guy, in Third-Floor Olin: “Yeah, I was going to do Novembeard, but I realized that with a mustache I just look like I touch children.”

Girl in Peirce, presumably discussing the psychology department: “Ooh, take White! White is awesome!”
Guy at next table, quietly to himself: “…Racist.”

Literally Every Woman At Kenyon, Constantly: “Yeah, I don’t know. I just hate the hookup culture here, but I also don’t want to be Kenyon married, you know? I just wish there was some kind of … middle ground, you know? Hahahahaha, MiddleGround! Like the cafe!” (Seriously, I have heard — and had — this exact conversation roughly four billion times in my three short months at Kenyon. We need some new material. We’re better than this.)

12 responses

  1. Sad Kenyon-Bubble Hipster: “I’m just trying to interact with the world, and it’s not going well.”

    I didn’t know I was still at Kenyon……..

  2. Pingback: 10 o’clock list: Top 10 Most Entertaining Searches That Led to The Thrill « The Thrill

  3. Pingback: Overheard at Kenyon, Vol. II « The Thrill

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