10 o’clock list: Five Places Not to be Found Drunk on Campus

It’s all very well to be drunk on Friday, Saturday, Wednesday and really any night at all here at Kenyon, but there are just some places you should not end up while inebriated. Here is a list of Gambier sites that it’s probably best to steer clear of:

  1. The Upside-Down Tree — While this is a lot of fun to climb when you are sober, it isn’t quite as easy to climb drunk as you think it might be. I’m going to “go out on a limb here” and say that it might not be the best decision you ever made while inebriated … but, of course, it also might not be the worst.
  2. The Middle of the Road — Wiggin St. is quite nice, and of course you have to cross it to get really anywhere in Gambier, but loitering with a beer in your hand is ill-advised behavior here. Campus Safety are very friendly folk, but a “What, this bottle? Naw dude, it’s totally … juice” will really not go over so well with the infamous Sheriff.
  3. Sunset Point — This is a great place to visit at, well, sunset, to admire the beauty of the sun, well, setting over the Ohio cornfields and rolling hills, especially  while sitting on the bench with your significant other (or really anyone). But keep in mind that Sunset Point is situated on a cliff. So it isn’t quite so conducive to drunken staggering as one might think.
  4. The BFEC trails — These are quite lovely and fun to visit at night — while sober and with some friends — and the stargazing is great. But if you’ve had a few too many, there’s a possibility that you might never find your way back: the cornfields, while not known for being haunted, are also not known for being easy to get out of. Also, not to use scare tactics here, but apparently there are some mass murderers hanging about around those trees…
  5. Guess what's hidden in the fog? ETERNAL DAMNNATION. (kenyon.edu)

    The Gates of Hell — Of course you have to cross these to get to Old Kenyon (if you’re a North Dweller), where you will find a never-ending supply of shitty beer, but keep in mind that if you decide to hang out here, you might be unwittingly caught as the clock tower strikes midnight and end up on a one-way ride straight to the burning pits of Hell. On the other hand, once you get there, you might be glad that you brought a drink with you.

3 responses

  1. i got caught drunk in the middle of wiggin street after a rad phi kap rager and the sheriff was like young man have you been drinking and then i vomited blood into his face and we exchanged numbers.

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