There have been very few times that I’ve felt uncomfortable being somewhere alone on this campus. Walking back from the library at 1:00 in the morning? No problem. Old Kenyon at 2:00 (or whenever my “tired” ass finally crawls back to my room)? Bring it on. But the second you ask me to be alone in any of the following places, well, then, you’ve seriously lost your shit. Without further ado: Top Five Creepiest Places on Campus.
- The Manning basement — There are no windows and it smells like decaying fecal matter. This is troubling, because the basement is also the laundry room.
- Wherever the Kenyon Purple Person is — First of all, purple is not a naturally occurring color. Secondly, spandex is not a naturally occurring element. Finally, people do not naturally become purple. It stands to reason, then, that there is nothing natural about the Kenyon Purple Person. It is the realest ghost I’ve ever seen at Kenyon.
- Mather — Enough said.
- KAC HEAD House — Innocent freshman. First night out at Kenyon. All freshmen are kicked out. Hooded individual comes back and whispers, “Freshman girls can come back in.” Never been back.
- Gund Vending Machines — Once I found Cove scraps on Duff Street. Not wanting to waste perfectly good food, I crouched over my findings and feasted. In short, nothing stops me from a snack. Nothing. Except for the Gund vending machines. I mean, seriously, why are there prison bars on the food and drink machines? There’s something wrong here.
Honorable mention: Headquarters “Salon.”