10 o’clock list: Professors Say The Darndest Things

Derp

Courtesy of Fuckyeahkenyonmemes.tumblr.com

I hadn’t really considered how hard it would be to go from sitting on my couch watching re-runs of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit to actually writing again.  So, to aid me in the task of going from zero to 60 writing-wise, I will borrow a few words from some of the greatest minds on campus: our esteemed faculty.

A few months ago I teased this post with a list of articles sure to be cut.  Guess this one made it farther than I thought it would.  So without further ado, a little bit of wisdom for this cold January night:

  • On Weekends: “I knew it was going to be a good weekend when I saw a girl wearing combat boots on Middle Path … may we all have women with combat boots in our lives.”
  • On ‘Suck-Ups’: “That’s enough out of you, Hermione!”
  • On Walruses: “They look like bags with teeth.”
  • On the Gund Gallery: “You like this modern art bullshit?”
  • On Favorite Students: “Hmm, Ethan’s not here today.  I like Ethan.  I often see him in the bathroom after class.  Ethan’s from Connecticut.”*
  • On Learning About Others: “C’mon guys, let’s all be honest … how many of you like to go through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and guess which belong to whom when you’re at someone else’s house?”
  • On Qualifications: “I’m not educated, you know, but I’ve got a good heart.” (later in class) “Sometimes I just make stuff up.”
  • On Pop Culture: “What the fuck is the Gilmore Girls?”
  • On Priorities: “I would rather find out that my daughter was having premarital sex than that she was smoking cigarettes.”
  • On Redundancy: “Four senators from two Dakotas? Forget it!”
  • On Relationships: “You guys watch out, because women can be very tricky.”
  • Context Unknown: “I’m sitting on a rather large egg … I hope it hatches.”
  • On the ’70s: “Well, all the professors were alcoholics … and we were teaching the students how to be alcoholics.”
  • On Bucking Stereotypes: “So what are the advantages of smoking this cigarette? Well, nicotine rush.  Also, I look like a total badass.”
  • On San Francisco: “California is a simple problem: too big.  Split it at the middle.  Now those San Franciscans can deem themselves safe from Los Angeles.”
  • On Perfection: “It’s not that you’re doing it wrong … you’re just not doing it correct.”

*Names have been changed, quotes obviously not attributed (definitely too ridiculous to make up though).

3 responses

  1. On cheating: “If I catch you glancing around at other students’ exams, your ass is grass and I’m the lawnmower.”

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