You’ve been back in town for a week, and you finally go to check your P.O. box. Your sense of anticipation builds as you approach the Post Office, reaching its peak as you turn your key, opening the door to reveal … a brochure from the local satellite TV provider. But one thing is for sure: at least you didn’t find any of these things. In descending order of worst-ness:
5. Knox County Jury Duty Summons – Jury duty can be fun. It teaches you about our justice system and pays you whether you get on a trial or not. Plus, you meet all kinds of fun people who are equally nonplussed to be trapped in the prison of civic responsibility. That said, Knox County is a small place, so you better hope that the defendant in your trial gets convicted, or else you might have to live through countless “This is awkward because I totally thought you were guilty of those solicitation charges” moment.
4. A human hand, addressed to your boxmate:
Dear Person I Have Never Met,
The forensics guy says that based on the rate of decomposition, you haven’t picked up your mail in over two weeks. Just so you know, you have a paycheck waiting for you.
3. A human hand, addressed to you.
2. FERAL CAT.