He needs Dad's Taxi.

Imagine this: you wake up on Saturday morning, hungover all to hell. All you want is greasy breakfast food. But Peirce is so far. And the sun is so bright. And the leaves rustling in the trees are so loud.

What are you to do? Call this number: 740-485-9519.

The response is chipper. “Dad’s Taxi!”

So here’s the deal: Dad’s Taxi will deliver pretty much anything from Mount Vernon to Kenyon for the price of your items plus a delivery fee (for one stop, that’s $8). If it’s food, you have to tell them when the restaurant said it would be ready. Otherwise, just tell them what you want (nicely, of course) and they’ll give you a delivery time.

Quick caveat: We know that a lot of upperclass students, who used Dad’s a number of years ago, will know about this. That said, we think we would not be doing our journalistic duty if we did not inform our readers of this magical service. 

Last week, The Thrill conducted a test of the service while we sat in the Collegian office bothering the very Earnest Editors of our sister publication, who were, you know, putting together a newspaper. We ordered spinach and artichoke dip from Ruby Tuesday and a bunch of milkshakes from Cold Stone Creamery for the Earnest Editors, and then called Dad’s.

Given that Thrill editor Lauren had received a tip from Becca Weiser ’14 and Allyson Taylor ’14, both of whom had ordered from them earlier in the week and said they took about half an hour to deliver their Bob Evans, we expected the same. We were wrong. It took almost an hour and a half to deliver our items.

But the dip was still warm and the milkshakes were still cold when we unveiled them to the now-hungry Collegian lackeys. And boy, were they delicious — there’s nothing like knowing that you didn’t have to burn calories to get them.

While we were downstairs, retrieving our items from the minivan, we got an exclusive interview with one of Dad’s drivers and she told us everything you need to know about the service.

Not feeling a trip to Wal-Mart today? Give them a grocery list and they’ll go get it for you. Delivery charge for one-stop is $8; since we had two stops (Ruby Tuesday and Cold Stone) we were charged $10. They are open 24/7 and only closed on major holidays.

This particular driver’s craziest experience delivering to Kenyon? “When Dad’s Taxi was first started, about two or three years ago, I had to deliver about four cases of beer and a couple bottles of liquor,” she said. “The guy came out in his underwear and paid me.”

Imagine the possibilities. If you call Dad’s Taxi, you could be Underwear Guy. It’s a whole new world.