We Thrill editors have decided that our fearless leader, Thrill Editor-in-Chief David McCabe, is a catch, and we love him so much that we want to let him know with this list, our Valentine’s Day gift to him (despite his protestations). We have taken it upon ourselves to let the rest of campus know what they’re missing on this Valentine’s Day. Who knows, maybe McCabe is your McDreamy?
- Mr. Considerate — When you’re friends with McCabe, you receive the five-star treatment. His attention to detail may seem a bit neurotic at times, but it’s actually the sweetest!
- The Mayor of Gambier — He’s like a celebrity, but not an ass about it. He knows everyone, even though he plays it off like he doesn’t! He can always get a reservation at the hottest spot in town: Ruby Tuesday. (And he knows how to throw down the coupons.)
- McCabe-Bot — Calling McCabe a robot isn’t an insult; in fact, it’s a compliment. He’s programmed to please everyone around him as much as possible.
- So Cosmopolitan — It doesn’t matter what Midwestern rust belt town you hail from: when you’re with McCabe, everyone will just assume you’re a trendy Manhattan-dweller too.
- The #1 Name in News — McCabe knows everything before it even happens. I half expect him to come up to me one day and say, “I just heard the news, I’m so sorry,” and before I can even take a breath, my phone will start ringing.
- Mr. Modest — PDA should not be an issue with McCabe, though once you get to know him he is a really affectionate guy. Definitely not someone who is too busy seducing a mirror.
- P.R. Rep Extraordinaire — McCabe’s approach to life is like an elaborate P.R. campaign. He constantly evaluates the most efficient way to win over everyone, especially Thrill editors. That excellent reputation boost rubs off on everyone who spends enough time with him.
- Cuisine Connoisseur – His knowledge of the Ruby Tuesday menu and familiarity with the Gilt: Taste hors d’oeuvre selection is inspiring to a fault. Craving fresh lobster? Maybe spinach artichoke dip on the side? McCabe is your guide to finding these priceless items. What more could you ask for in a mate?
Tonight’s list is dedicated not only to our beloved leader but also to the two people who begot this wonderful creature. It happens to be McCabe’s mother’s birthday today — happy birthday, Ms. Caeser!