In honor of prospie season, tonight’s list is a guide to recognizing those high school juniors and seniors that seem to infiltrate our peaceful hilltop in droves this time of year.
- Parents — You can always tell a prospie by the gaggle of middle-aged adults hovering around them. On the tour, they might ask questions like, “What is the drinking/drug culture like here? What’s your least favorite thing about Kenyon? What’s your social life like?” And in the end they’ll embarrass their son/daughter. “Jimmy/Tiffany*, why aren’t you asking any questions? Come on, get closer to the tour guide. Oh Jimbo/Tiffy, this looks just like those Harry Potter movies!”
- Problems in Peirce — For most of us, the servery at noon MWF is a frustrating experience that can be made even more painful by a large number of prospies and parents. The salad bar becomes a confusing and pointless line. All I want are a few craisins! I have noticed a few confused-looking younguns (and parents) over by the milk dispensers. “Jimmy/Tiffany*, at this point it would be easier to milk the cow myself.”
- “Do you know my host” — During the sleepover weekends, many prospies assume everyone one knows their host. “Do you know Emily? She’s medium height, brownish hair, wears glasses sometimes, likes books.” Okay, you just described almost every girl at this school.
- Bags Galore — You might see Jimmy/Tiffany attempting to drag a rolling suitcase down Middle Path while holding two pillows and a sleeping bag.
- They still think they want to major in English.
* Jimmy and Tiffany are fictional characters and in no way based in reality.