Lent Madness, the Episcopal Church’s basketball-inspired plot to make Lent cool, has seen our very own Philander Chase (the first of Kenyon’s goodly race) fall to Saint Jerome, who “was the most famous Biblical scholar of ancient Christianity.” Which I guess is kind of impressive, but did he milk the cow and smoke the ham all by himself? I don’t think so.

Obviously, the good Christian folk running this tournament are actually crooked—why else would they schedule Philander’s next turn to fall during our spring break? Don’t try to tell me it was a coincidence: this was clearly a plot to kick Philander out of the competition without us, “the Kenyon College mafia,” as the blog puts it, noticing. Well, it worked, so we’ll just have to try twice as hard next year to help Philander win the Golden Halo.

If you’re still interested in Lent Madness, although you really shouldn’t be since the whole thing is a sham, you can check out the current bracket here. As you can see, Philander made it into the Saintly 16, but failed to advance to the Elate Eight. On Thursday, Mary Magdalene beat Joan of Arc 74% to 26%, which is another somewhat surprising result.

One final note: Philander received only 37% of the 1,824 votes cast — but since Kenyon was founded in 1824, could this tally somehow be an eerie beyond-the-grave message from Philander himself???