The Health Center by the Numbers

Photo by Brian K (via Wikimedia Commons)

Although many Kenyon students have less than pleasant things to say about our beloved Health Center, Health Center Director Kim Cullers has glowing things to say about Kenyon students. She is particularly impressed by students who arrive at the Health Center seemingly knowing exactly what their ailments signify. Apparently, eight out of 10 students who visit the Health Center go only for confirmation and medication. Maybe Web M.D. should be getting a cut of our tuition bill?

More Health Center numbers after the jump.

The five most common reasons Cullers mentioned for trips to the Health Center:

  1. Sore throat* (apparently, generally mono or strep, but sometimes a minor virus)
  2. Sinus infections
  3. Nausea/vomiting**
  4. Krud cough*
  5. Questions! Education! Kenyon students are always zealous for more knowledge!
The two most common reasons not mentioned by Cullers:
  1. Free condoms
  2. Free hand sanitizer
The most bizarre Health Center happenings:
  1. Once, an anxious parent whose child had contracted H1N1  called for all contaminated Kenyon students to be helicoptered from Gambier to Ohio State for treatment.
  2. Whoops, the rest would probably break patient confidentiality to share. Post amusing health anecdotes in the comments below! Also acceptable: weird health complaints.
After I finished haranguing Cullers for statistics, she noted that this season, due to a mild winter and early spring, will be particularly hard for allergy sufferers. She added that living in central Ohio is generally bad for the health. (Ed.: Admissions, are you reading? Still want us to volunteer for “LINKS!”?) Oscillating temperatures, cold winters, dry air and the rampant hookup culture take a toll on the Knox County populace. I assume, however, that “rampant hookup culture” is Kenyon specific.

*probably contracted from hooking up with someone

**possibly contracted from hooking up with someone/Peirce food

One response

  1. Don’t forget free ibuprofen, too. I’ll never forget the first time I went to the health center with a headache and came away with a bag of painkillers to last me for the whole year.

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