Professors Shock Their Moms

Shock Your Mom: the terrors, the swimmers, the crushed dreams. Since I have not had the opportunity to attend yet, I have no real idea what happens at Shock Your Mom, but I can certainly imagine. These clueless but speculative sentiments are shared by many of Kenyon’s professors who hear murmurs of this party from still-hungover students the following Monday. Nonetheless, when asked what would shock their mothers, they all seemed pretty amused. Without further ado, here are the outfits your own professors would wear if they came to SYM.

Professor Davidson, Adele Davidson, English Department, had a mother who was easy to shock. While Davidson primarily expressed that she would have had little interest in actually attending this party, she noted that her mother would have been shocked to see her in a bikini. That said, Davidson did buy “a (somewhat conservative by most standards) two-piece swimsuit” a year or so after she graduated from Kenyon. Davidson’s somewhat conservative two-piece was also the subject of much teasing from her grandmother, as there was “a good bit of social and fashion change between her childhood and my Kenyon and slightly post-Kenyon era.”

See what other professors said after the jump!

Travis Landry, Modern Languages and Literature Department, repeated what almost every single professor I have asked has said: “Nothing I could do would shock her, really…” When further prompted, he decided on “saran wrap.”

Jeffrey Bowman, History Department, could not come up with a single outfit. I badgered him after several classes and also during his office hours, but despite how much thought he put into it, he was drawing blanks. I asked him what he had done to shock his mother in the past, but “the thing about shocking moms,” he replied, “is that after you’ve shocked them once, the same thing won’t shock them again.” Wise words, JAB.

Tabitha Payne, Psychology and Neuroscience Department, went with “skanky inmate with lots of tattoos,” but, as with the others, maintained that not much could really shock her parents, given how much they partied in the ’60s.

Michelle Mood, Political Science Department, chose a Mormon or Mennonite to shock her mom, which is probably not a difficult costume to acquire, given our idyllic campus’s setting in the middle of the Amish country.

Jonathon Tazewell, Drama Department, was amused by the whole thing but went with a more conventional Kenyon option: a conservative.

Andrew Reinert, Drama Department, was stumped for an outfit: “My mother cannot be shocked. Dismayed, perhaps, but never shocked … I work in the theater, come on!”

One can’t help but wonder just how shocking our professors were in their glory days.

Amy Halberstadt, Psychology Department of North Carolina State University, is my own dear mother who is also a professor. She replied that the only thing that would really shock my grandmother was if she dressed as a “traditional orthodox Jewish woman with long skirt, long sleeves, tights and a wig or kerchief.” Oddly enough, since my mother had a Jewish upbringing, this would shock my grandmother more than a sudden conversion to extreme Christianity. My mother’s final comment on the party was: “Oh my.”

Have a fun and safe night!

Share your thoughts on this post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: