Every time I drive back to Kenyon after a break, I inevitably see something that makes me say the same thing: “I still can’t believe I live here!” (And that’s a positive thing! I say it with a mixture of amazement and joy). No matter how much time I spend in rural Ohio, I’ve still never quite gotten used to it.
- Our village has no traffic lights — Usually, when someone wants to indicate how desolate a place is, they note that it only has one traffic light. Well, we’re even tinier than that. We basically live here.
- The time is still announced to us via bells — Pretty sure no one has actually told time via bell since at least 1900. Plenty of American cities still have church bells, of course, but oftentimes they’re fake electronic ones (not so in Europe).
- We’re overrun with animals — Yes, there are plenty of suburban news reports about a rogue deer/raccoon/skunk/meerkat in the neighborhood, but only here do we have all of the above (plus a ton of cats, and minus the meerkats…probably). Which leads to number four…
- There are a lot of smells here — Most of these smells are skunk, and the skunk community has really done a great job of making sure one of their own get run over every time I’m returning to Gambier, without fail. It’s how I know I’m back where I belong. Pigs also contribute, especially when you’re driving through Utica on the way to C-Bus. Which leads to number five…
- Our congressman is a former pig farmer — Except now he’s actually a soybean farmer (which seems like an oddly liberal crop…). Still, how Jeffersonian!
Just wait until you make the requisite move to New York (who am I kidding, I mean Brooklyn), where the ways of the metropolis will be considerably at odds with your Gambier-sensibilities.
it’s partisan status could be debated
the soybean is heavily subsidized in the farm bill
We also have groundhogs. I know because two live behind my house.
@Anonymous #1: This is so true. Get me out of here.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE THIS BY NEXT THURSDAY AT 1115AM WHEN YOUR REGISTER FOR CLASSES, DAVID HOYT. YOU’RE GOING TO BE A JUNIOR, AFTER ALL.
I can’t believe that we don’t have a student union, an academic/social honor code, or funding for Sexual Misconduct Advisors & Discrimination Advisors.