Kenyon Tweets the Civil War

This post was authored by M.S. Kord, a new Thrill writer who has yet to make his WordPress account. 

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Well Lords and Ladies, today marks the 150th anniversary of the Civil War. Over a century ago, shots were fired upon Fort Sumter and absolutely no one Tweeted about it. I’m going to change that. While the Civil War tragically and dramatically impacted American history, that doesn’t mean I can’t offer a lighthearted “thought experiment” of sorts. Imagine the Kenyon community and its encapsulating bubble, weak wi-fi and all, was transported back in time to that fateful day, without any real knowledge of the future and an understanding of the politics of the 19th century. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but neither does Twitter.

@WScott: Knew it was you SC, your chicanery breaks my heart. My wife is going to kill me before Johnny Reb gets a chance. No class tomorrow. #KnewItWasYouFredo #OffToTheWorkShed

@KCLax14: Not chill, totally not trying to trade my spoon for a rifle. I’ll be sick with a rifle though. Hope my flow looks good in Union Blue. #LaxNotWar #BayonetSpinMove

@UofGambier13: Shots fired on Sumter, Fall Registration today… #Conspiracy #RegistrarIsASpy

@GreekBro: Does SC realize this is Hell Week? This shit is totally going to lead to fratricide. #OhTheHorror#Chug#Shots

@RLSTProf: Shots fired on Sumter. #StraussianImperialistConservativeConspiracy

@SockratesItToMe: But Socrates, America must promote liberal democracy in the South! The conference is ruined! #Balderdash #ThumoticRage

@Cruel4School: War is so lame. I would love one of those uniforms though, so retro. Does the Union supply cigarettes to soldiers? I think I’ll name my alt acoustic dub step band Union Blues.

@AllstuWarrior: Firing on Sumter is totally an attempt at asserting paternalistic superiority through phallic driven aggression. #DeconstructionTime #Refresh

@PeirceDining: Dinner: pressed Cuban sandwiches. Burger Blowout postponed indefinitely. Veggie safe zone is no longer safe.

@IndoorKid: Time to rise to the top. No difference between this and Risk. Slight difference between this and Magic. #WheresMySunscreen#SPF110#GottaNapoleonBoner-aparte

@KCFootball: Is Spring Ball cancelled? Will Lincoln free us too?

@Kenyon2015: Is today Shock Your Mom or Send Off? Where’s the beer? Maybe it’s Philander’s Phling, I heard that was wild. What’s on Nickelodeon?

@LadiesSwimming: Confederacy= red, white and blue. Union= red, white and blue. Denison= red, white and blue. Whose side are they really on?

@Alchapella: Shots fired on Sumter. Auditions for my new acapella group and regiment Philander’s Phalanx take place tomorrow at 4. #FightTogetherSingTogether

3 responses

  1. Pingback: Bart Simpson Comes to Kenyon « The Thrill

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