Maybe you haven’t figured it out yet, but school starts tomorrow. For some of the freshmen reading this, college starts tomorrow. Still for others, tomorrow will mark the beginning of one hell of a hangover. Whether you’re just getting started in the classroom, starting your way on the hopefully downhill track of senior year, taking care of business as usual, or desperately wishing someone would perform an exorcism and rid you of your Popovian or perhaps Cove-ian demons (grease/sodium hangovers are real and dangerous) before your 8:10 Intro to I’ve Made a Huge Mistake Studies, it might be pertinent to discuss a few things about one of the College’s most beloved and bemoaned buildings: Peirce Hall.
Just as tomorrow is a day of special significance in the classroom, for Peirce it is one more day of another fleeting and exquisitely strange August. Certain things available now, won’t be in a couple days. So savor and enjoy the Top Five Things Peirce Won’t Have Until Next August.
- Your trust. Chances are you’ll have gotten a bit nostalgic for the place over the summer and along with that, probably a little softer in your older age. Those first energized and optimistic strides into the servery will quickly slow as you notice that despite your gilded memories, the summer of relative rest has done absolutely nothing to fix the left side ice/water machine. As you walk closer the beautiful new sign will get your hopes up even further. They really did it! It’s finally a healthy young ice machine! When your cup is iceless after a couple prods at the button, you’ll realize that no, it’s still only partly functional, like some character out of The Wizard of Oz. In a matter of days the telltale thunk-thunking of another trusting soul having their hopes dashed by the broken ice-cube dispenser will remind you that Peirce can’t break a cold heart.
- Packs of roving Pre-O kids holding hands as they walk through Peirce. It’s easy to see how peak Peirce hours fool them into thinking this is another wild ecosystem filled with strange and exciting wildlife. Others will see the most terrifying ice breaker they could imagine or a team building exercise where you’re eliminated as soon as someone aggressively bumps into you and keeps quietly on their way.
- Fruits and vegetables that by some rare fluke of nature only grow in August. I would elaborate, but I think there’s an email about something sort of similar. That, and I know of no such foods.
- An entryway bereft of a giant gourd that some people legitimately argue deserves tenure and full benefits.
- Stolen. Peirce cups. Barely used.