Student Infos are responsible for the majority of my phone vibrations, and as popular as it makes me feel to see a little “15” sitting above my mail icon, it become less endearing when I realize not a single one of them applies to me. So after the frantic inbox checking between classes and the onslaught I wake up to every morning, these are the ones I think we could all do without.

1. Network Outages: Stop stop STOP stop STOP. By the time I’ve gotten this, I’ve already figured out that the network is down and have thrown something valuable against a wall. You’re just wasting my phone’s data plan as it works so hard to receive this e-mail. What’s even worse is when I get these in the summer when I’m home. In my pajamas. Waiting for my Pinterest invite AND YOU GET MY HOPES UP.
2. Registrar: I still couldn’t tell you when the add/drop period ends, what enrollment verification is, or if I need it. “PLEASE READ?” More like PLEASE STOP E-MAILING ME I’m trying to see if my Urban Outfitters order has shipped.
3. Invites to sit at the Japanese Table: If you’re learning Japanese and are able to immerse yourself in its culture, right on. I’ve got nothing against that. But I’ve studied French and Latin, failed abysmally at both, and still have trouble stringing together coherent English sentences even with people who I know really well who I just wasn’t expecting to see at that time. This would be an uncomfortable experience for us all.
4. Construction Updates: My little first-year heart really wanted my little senior heart to have a Bexley. So unless there’s a big gaping hole in the earth that I could possibly fall into, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT YOU TEARING MY DREAMS APART.
5. Health Forms: I’m trying to sleep, go away. What are you, my MOM?