For most students, Peirce is their most frequented campus locale. Its benevolent servery doors are hardly ever closed, making frequent visits convenient and often commonplace. Yet despite this welcoming air, entering Peirce does require the avoidance of a few hazards. In order to reach the mythic Comfort Food Line or avoid the Omelet Line Overload that you’re likely to find every Sunday brunch, you’ve got to make a successful and smooth entrance. Here are the Top Five Peirce Entrance Hazards to Avoid.
- The Main Electronic Doors—There’s always a good willed or impatient person who decides to press the handicap button in hopes of unclogging the oftentimes awkwardly half open front entrance of Peirce. The problem, however, is those doors are solid wood and their electronic release packs a solid punch. When you approach those doors, I would suggest having your hands subtly at about chest level just in case someone inside is trying to assassinate you. Furthermore, if the doors are not electronically propped and you are approaching, there is a chance that beyond the small windows in the dimly lit entrance, another individual is heaving their weight against those heavy wood doors. Don’t be on the other side of that door.
- The Seal—Rumor has it that if you step on this, you won’t graduate. I guess this just comes down to whether or not you’re superstitious or whether or not the Huffington Post has rated us in its list of Most Superstitious Colleges which it’s probably got in a “Questionably Accurate Articles for Rainy Days” file somewhere.
- Information Tables—No matter how little interest you have in signing a petition, becoming aware of things or buying something that someone thinks you should have so badly they’re willing to sit in a chair and call out to you as you try and go about your business, the information tables are a very real obstacle to an enjoyable Peirce outing. Not to mention that while I may have no interest whatsoever, cold shouldering and blank staring my way to freedom weighs on my conscience after awhile. Plus, charitable causes, what’s the deal with those anyway? Just kidding, maybe this “hazard” is a little suspect. I guess you’ve just got to pick your passive-aggressive-walking-while-controlling-eye-contact-battles.
- The Line for The Dish Drop Off—When Peirce hours are peaking, that line can take on a life of its own. Sometimes it even swells to such a size that it partially blocks the main concourse (Doesn’t that sound official?). Whatever you do, veer hard to the right and avoid getting sucked into that hellish vortex of cup liquid and flying forks.
- Smokers Just Outside the Door—I think the only solution to this problem is for the College to set aside time and resources for establishing designated smoking zones in the idealistic hope that Kenyon’s generally warm and friendly community will take the time out of their daily lives to rigorously enforce the relocation of any and all smokers. All I have to say is “not in my back yard,” but I’m sure I’m the only one.