Ten o’clock list: Top Five Peirce Entrance Hazards to Avoid

Pretty good advice.

For most students, Peirce is their most frequented campus locale. Its benevolent servery doors are hardly ever closed, making frequent visits convenient and often commonplace. Yet despite this welcoming air, entering Peirce does require the avoidance of a few hazards. In order to reach the mythic Comfort Food Line or avoid the Omelet Line Overload that you’re likely to find every Sunday brunch, you’ve got to make a successful and smooth entrance. Here are the Top Five Peirce Entrance Hazards to Avoid.

  1. The Main Electronic Doors—There’s always a good willed or impatient person who decides to press the handicap button in hopes of unclogging the oftentimes awkwardly half open front entrance of Peirce. The problem, however, is those doors are solid wood and their electronic release packs a solid punch. When you approach those doors, I would suggest having your hands subtly at about chest level just in case someone inside is trying to assassinate you. Furthermore, if the doors are not electronically propped and you are approaching, there is a chance that beyond the small windows in the dimly lit entrance, another individual is heaving their weight against those heavy wood doors. Don’t be on the other side of that door.
  2. The Seal—Rumor has it that if you step on this, you won’t graduate. I guess this just comes down to whether or not you’re superstitious or whether or not the Huffington Post has rated us in its list of Most Superstitious Colleges which it’s probably got in a “Questionably Accurate Articles for Rainy Days” file somewhere.
  3. Information Tables—No matter how little interest you have in signing a petition, becoming aware of things or buying something that someone thinks you should have so badly they’re willing to sit in a chair and call out to you as you try and go about your business, the information tables are a very real obstacle to an enjoyable Peirce outing. Not to mention that while I may have no interest whatsoever, cold shouldering and blank staring my way to freedom weighs on my conscience after awhile.  Plus, charitable causes, what’s the deal with those anyway? Just kidding, maybe this “hazard” is a little suspect. I guess you’ve just got to pick your passive-aggressive-walking-while-controlling-eye-contact-battles.
  4. The Line for The Dish Drop Off—When Peirce hours are peaking, that line can take on a life of its own. Sometimes it even swells to such a size that it partially blocks the main concourse (Doesn’t that sound official?). Whatever you do, veer hard to the right and avoid getting sucked into that hellish vortex of cup liquid and flying forks.
  5. Smokers Just Outside the Door—I think the only solution to this problem is for the College to set aside time and resources for establishing designated smoking zones in the idealistic hope that Kenyon’s generally warm and friendly community will take the time out of their daily lives to rigorously enforce the relocation of any and all smokers. All I have to say is “not in my back yard,” but I’m sure I’m the only one.

9 responses

  1. Could not agree more with number 5. It’s extremely inconsiderate and rude for smokers to blow smoke into the faces of innocent passerby-there’s no way to get into Peirce without getting smoke blown in your face. What happened to the 20ft rule?

  2. #2, Stepping on Seal Means You Won’t Graduate

    Take it from an alum, this is a completely new superstition. I believe it was invented by the staff person responsible for cleaning and polishing the brass every day.

    From 1986 – 1990, my classmates and I would walk over the seal in Pierce every day without a thought, and, at least in my case, graduation was not put off by a single day.

    It is, however, a nice thought.,

    – Brendan Keefe
    Kenyon ’90

  3. 1. Doors do more good than bad.
    2. Jumping over the seal keeps me fit.
    3. promotes peer pressure
    4. just cut the line
    5. banish them all; don’t give me cancer

  4. Smoking is a Kenyon institution… we are just too creative not to smoke. Bob Dylan, Barack Obama and Paul Newman smoked cigarettes, so it must be cool. Enter through the side if it interferes with your health so much.

  5. Oh, the smokers. I don’t have any problem with them, coming from a large city where you can’t go ten feet without seeing a smoker, but I do wish they would comply with the 20ft rule.

  6. Pingback: Kenyon Krafts: Fixing the T-Shirt You Just Bought in Peirce « The Thrill

  7. Pingback: 10 O’clock List: Condescending Kenyon Questions To Never Ask « The Thrill

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