Today’s prospective candidate we all know. Whether your last encounter with the Panini Press ended with you devouring a crunchy yet gooey quesadilla or making an emergency trip to Knox Community Hospital,* the big P plays a a crucial role in our day-to-day lives at Kenyon. From heating our cookies to pressing our sandwiches, the Panini Press clearly makes our food warming needs its top priority.  And really, what more could you need in a college president? The Panini Press stands to do quite well at the polls. It has tested well with all demographics, with the exception of cold sandwich lovers.  There is only one question left: will the Peirce Panini Press be able to pull enough gooey cheese supporters away from Papa John to secure the presidency?

*The Thrill has no knowledge that anyone has ever been severely injured on the Peirce Panini Press.