Kenyon Quiz: How to Tell if Last Weekend’s DFMO is Following You

It’s the same old song and dance that happens every weekend. You strut out of class, fling your backpack on the ground, and religiously throw back shots until you’re on the floor talking to your rug. (At least, this is what I assume of-age people do. I wouldn’t know. I’m not 21. Hi, Mom!). Then, brimming with confidence, a night of reckless decision-making awaits you, and you end up making out with a face you’ve never seen before while Avicii, and possibly your roommate, bumps and grinds around you. You emerge the next day, ready to shake the memory of this Dance Floor Make Out (DFMO) away with an omelet, but then you See. Them. Everywhere.

Are they following you, or are you just noticing them for the first time? Take this handy quiz to find out:

1. You’re sitting in Peirce and realize that your DFMO is at the table next to you. You decide to get up to go get some orange juice. They

a) Pay you no mind. They’re too busy figuring out that maybe getting an entire plate of hash browns wasn’t as good of an idea as it seemed 10 minutes ago.

b) Notice you get up and watch you as you walk by.

c) Suddenly realize that what they’re really craving is some mystery-meat-bacon, and jump up, walking only a few paces behind you.

2. You pass your DFMO on Middle Path on your way to work on your art project. They

a) Keep their head down. The embarrassment is still too fresh.

b) Smile and wave.

c) Smile and wave and are still standing in the exact same spot on your walk back. Waiting. Always waiting.

3. The following weekend you’re at the Ganter, keeping it cla$$y as per usual. You see your DFMO while you’re eating pizza. They

a) Are grinding with someone else, about to repeat this process all over again.

b) Decide they want pizza too, and you guys end up chatting about the alarming amount of Avicii that goes on at these parties.

c) Follow you onto the dance floor. Then back out to the common room. Then outside. Then they pretend to bump into you all “fancy-seeing-you-here” and you’re all “fancy…that thing over there” and run.


Mostly A’s: You’re just noticing them for the first time. This person doesn’t want to see you any more than you want to see them. If you both just lay low for a while, eventually you’ll both blend back into the crowd.

Mostly B’s: They’re handling this situation like a mature adult. Let’s be honest. This is a small campus. If you avoid every person you have an awkward encounter with at a party, you might as well give it up and live out the rest of your time here behind Farr with the feral cats (can’t stop won’t stop). And, now that you think about it, they’re not even that bad. You’d even consider drunkenly and publicly licking their face again.

Mostly C’s: This person is following you and probably has been for some time now. I’d suggest hiding out in your room for a few days, but they’re probably in one of your desk drawers.

11 responses

  1. “Then they pretend to bump into you all ‘fancy-seeing-you-here’ and you’re all ‘fancy…that thing over there’ and run.”
    Because that’s handling the situation like a mature adult.

  2. What’s wrong with being into someone you hook up with on the dance floor? It’s as good a place as anywhere. Pretending like such an interaction was entirely useless and without emotion is naive. And pretending like anyone who tries to follow up on such an interaction is creepy is downright offensive.

  3. When kate writes, the angels sing, god dances, and kevin bacon weeps. Also dfmo-ing is fun but unless yall go home together, you should probably never speak again
    -awkward frequent dfmo child (i’ve got some experience here, folks.)

  4. Pingback: 10 o’clock list: Lies Told on Sunday Morning « The Thrill

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