10 o’clock list: Disappointing Peirce Desserts

I don’t like to be disappointed.

If you’re like me, and you have an insatiable sweet tooth that sometimes leads to the theft and consumption of birthday cakes left on the floor of Hanna Hall (okay, that’s probably just me), then at some point you’ve experienced the soul-crushing sorrow of discovering that Peirce’s dessert options are just not up to par. Don’t get me wrong, Peirce cooks up some gems in the sweets department (Trizza, anyone?), but some days are just, well, disappointing.

  1. Bundt cake. To be fair, bundt cake is almost exactly the same as any other kind of cake. But it’s that shape – somewhere in between a weird-looking donut and a deflated inner tube – that seems to be a deal breaker for many Kenyon students. Also, the name “bundt cake” sounds like “butt cake.” Haha. Butt cake.
  2. Overly lemony lemon squares. Lemon squares are actually one of my favorite desserts, so I am always disappointed when I take a bite and find myself puckering up like a skater dude in an early-aughts AirHeads commercial (It’s dessert to the extreme, man!).
  3. Fruit cobbler. Cobbler always seems to show up at the dessert station just when you thought your day couldn’t get any worse. Also, for those of you who stick to your principles and only call something a “cobbler” when it actually looks like a cobbler, by cobbler I mean those giant vats of gelatinized fruit. For the record, Peirce’s cobblers don’t actually taste bad, but really, fruit for dessert?
  4. Hard cookies. How many times have you heard someone say something like, “I love it when cookies are soft and gooey and melt in my mouth”? Okay, how many times have you heard someone say, “I love it when cookies are cold and hard and chip my teeth a little bit when I try to bite into them”? Yeah. I thought so.
  5. Those weird new granola bars. I’ve been apprehensive about these since I first noticed them at the beginning of the school year. One day, faced with no other viable dessert options, I decided to give them a try. Eating one is kind of like eating a co-op farmer from Vermont. A chocolatey co-op farmer from Vermont.

Well, that’s just about all the dessert I can handle for the time being.

One final note: To whoever’s cake that was, I am really, really sorry. I hope you had a nice birthday.

8 responses

  1. I love budnt cake. Always have, always will. The shape is perfect for cake- you get inside and outside! What could be better?! Also the new granola bars are both filling and possibly maybe almost healthy. Plus chocolate.

    • dude, those cupcakes/cakes/whatever the hell it was your “friends” got you for your birthday were sitting in the hallway for like….hours. she did you a favor by intercepting your poisoned/contaminated/ruined dessert!!!

  2. Fantastically written article. Clearly a work done by the most astute of writers. I applaud your skillful creation and excitedly await your next piece, Audrey Davis.

    Muchas Gracias

  3. Pingback: Peirce Pressures « The Thrill

Leave a Reply to Anonymous Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: