“It’s pronounced Fronkenstorm!”

The end is nigh, and possibly starting with the incoming Frankenstorm. Hurricane Sandy is scheduled to ravage the East Coast starting tonight. Though central Ohio is not supposed to get hit as bad as, say, Rhode Island, that’s no reason not to be prepared for the worst. Here is a list of things that we suggest you do in preparation for the Frankenstorm:

1. Stockpile food — If the drudge to Peirce in the mud, cold and perhaps snow doesn’t suit your fancy, make sure that you blackmail your friend with a car into taking you to our handy Mt. Vernon Wal-Mart tonight or tomorrow. Though sources say that canned tuna, trail mix and peanut butter are the way to go, it may be wise to throw in a bottle of Jack Daniels(although you’ll have to go to Rite-Aide for this) and some Twinkies (if Family Guy is to believed, Twinkies will not only last you through a snowstorm, but through a nuclear apocalypse). 
2. Get your homework done — Despite having been here only a few weeks, I already realize that Kenyon’s Internet connection can be shady at times. That means that it’s probably a good idea to get that Quest paper done before the storm hits us and the Internet and power fizzles out. But in better news, if you get your work done now, you can spend those freezing hours happily doing fun things rather than raging against the electrical gods.
3. Prepare the latest winter fashions — To prepare for when you do have to leave the warm comfort of your bed for a silly thing like class or Joe Biden, you want to make sure you’re looking fabulous and weather-prepared.
4. Take over your dorm’s lounge — Because why focus on academics during those cold hours when you can build a BADASS BLANKET FORT?
5. Claim your snuggle buddy — As hot a commodity as strawberry Pop-Tarts at Wal-Mart is an attractive, warm snuggle buddy to drink warm beverages with in your pillow fort. Get out your or your English Major Friend’s Norton’s Anthology of Poetry and electric candles and spend the storm living out a Nicholas Sparks-esque romantic fantasy. Snuggle buddies however, do not have to be romantic. So grab whoever you know who gives the best hugs and sing the storm away.

Bonus: These animals are prepared. Are you?