It’s happened to all of us: that awkward moment where you walk into Peirce, and you don’t see anyone you know, and there are no tables open. And you do the casual-yet-super-awkward walk-through to see if anyone you know is there, but no luck. You stand in the atrium texting everyone you’ve ever met, hoping that you just missed someone. Lately, this problem of finding a table has only gotten worse because A.) everyone on campus now eats lunch at noon and B.) Peirce now randomly closes rooms and fills them with old people you don’t recognize who are occasionally decked out in Victorian-era costumes for apparently no reason. So the pressure’s on; here are the top ways to save a table in Peirce:
- The Classic Not-Too-Subtle Backpack – Get to Peirce when it’s quiet and take your time choosing out the perfect table. Ideally, we’re looking for a spot by the window where you can people-watch shamelessly. Leave your backpack on one of the chairs, and why not take out a couple of books and scatter them so it doesn’t look like you’re sitting alone? While you go to your 11:10 class, it’ll just look like you hopped up to get coffee. Beware: do not leave your backpack on the windowsill because this does not properly indicate a clear table reservation, and I will probably take your staked-out window spot.
- “Reserved” Sign – Just print out a sign and tape it to a table. If you’re feeling bold, put a random name on it. And sure, when you roll in at 12:15, people may be glaring at you, but you can take it. Because you can just spread out, eat your turkey and cheese burrito, and gaze out the window. You don’t want to overuse this tactic because the attentive ones out there might catch on.
- The K-Card – As a subtle tip to anyone scrounging for a table, your K-Card will be slyly waiting to deny them a seat. Don’t be afraid. Put your face out there for everyone who is desperately searching for a table. Let them know that you were crafty enough to think ahead. You probably want to cultivate a reputation as intimidating before trying this one out.
- Meeting – This one works better if you’re dressed fancy. You just stroll up to a random table and tell them that you have a meeting at that table in 10 minutes. Just speak with authority, and they’ll probably move. And if they don’t, just tell them that there’s free tomato tortellini soup at the market for the next 15 minutes. If they don’t run, then they’re crazy, and you should probably avoid them.
- Move In – All you need for this is a sleeping bag and maybe a foam mattress pad for back support. You only leave Peirce to go to class, you sleep on your table at night, and you never miss eggs in the morning because you didn’t get ready fast enough. It’s kind of perfect. (Ed. If you need to shower, just step outside into Hurricane Sandy for a quick rinse.)