10 o’clock list: Top Five Kenyon Anomalies

The most appetizing picture of Cincinnati Chili that I could find.

Anomaly, n.

1. Something that is a deviation or departure from the normal or common order, form, or rule.

2. One that is peculiar, irregular, abnormal, or difficult to classify.

3. These five things about Kenyon that are slightly off:

1. Doors – These were the first things that threw me off when I first arrived at Kenyon as an eager, shiny-eyed freshman. It seemed like Kenyon’s master architect thought it would be fun to put hinges on the wrong side of half of the doors on campus. Knobs are placed in curious positions. The entrance doors in (the now abandoned) Bexley building are a foot apart from each other. One of the Peirce doors opens faster than the other one.  Not to mention that the doors for to the KAC and Gund Gallery are harder to push than pot at a police convention!

2. Drinking Fountains – Speaking about inconsistent, how about them water fountains? Amirite guys? Guys? Some look like bronzed Greek columns while others sit snugly in walls. Some barely produce a dribble while others awkwardly spurt straight up like a bidet. Some have fun hands-free foot pedals while others have hidden buttons. Some are a combo of all of the above! GOOD GOD CAN’T A MAN JUST GET A DRINK?!

3. Light Installation in the KAC – Now don’t get me wrong, I think the colorful lights next to the weight room are fantastic. There is nothing better then getting lost in their soothing, ambient glow when I should be pretending to work on my pecs. They’re comforting, hypnotizing, and ridiculously out of place. In a place where people are sweating through their sleeveless shirts, blasting Queens of the Stone Age in their earbuds, and pumping more iron than a foil factory, the lights seem like they’d be better suited for Bonnaroo.

4. Wee LGBT Flag Outside of Peirce – Recently, I noticed that a fabulous new rainbow flag was affixed to the flagpole, right under the grand ol’ American flag. Besides the fact that the flags always seem to be at half-mast, it’s also worth noting that the Pride flag is comically tiny in comparison to the stars and stripes above it. It’s almost like we’re saying “AMERICAAA! FUCK YEAH! BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS SKIES AND AMBER WAVES OF… Gay. See? We love our LGBT’s, too! BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE U S OF FUCKING AYYYYYYYY!” (Which we all know is obviously not true.)

5. Cincinnati Chili – Here’s a conversation I witnessed at the pasta bar the other week:

GIRL: “Hello, I’d like your finest helping of chili, please.”

AVI LADY: “Ab-so-lutely!”

She ladles up a generous glistening scoop of chili and plops it down into a bowl… full of spaghetti.

GIRL: “W-whaa…”

I love chili. I love spaghetti. Hell, I even love Cincinnati. (The Reds! The Bengals! That one bridge!) But the combination of all three is one of the strangest things that I’ve ever had the pleasure of spooning (or forking. Seriously,  what’s the proper utensil for this dish?!) No disrespect to Cincinnati.

But seriously, spaghetti?

11 responses

  1. Yep, peirce’s chili sucks, and dude, you fork it, you don’t spoon it.

    Southern Ohio Girl, I like the way you think ;)

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