10 o’clock list: The Five Worst People to Meet in the Bathroom

Just an average awkward bathroom moment.

The summer before my first year at Kenyon I had a long list of anxieties and fears about college and the great unknown. First on my list, underlined and highlighted (metaphorically of course) was bathroom etiquette. It turned out to be not nearly as frightening as I had thought, excluding the Caples bathtub showers that for some reason make me incredibly uneasy. Though the dorm bathroom is no longer the backdrop against which my nightmares take place, there are still a couple of people you might want to avoid before entering. 

  1. Overly Naked Guy: You all know the guy I’m talking about (a little too intimately I’m guessing…). This guy is just super comfortable with his body and himself and he wants you to know about it. I am all for feeling free and letting the breeze hit you and all that good stuff, but I also want to be able to brush my teeth without seeing all of that.
  2. The Dramatic Girl: These girls are a hazard of the bathroom business. Almost every weekend night between the hours of midnight and 4:00 a.m. there are sure to be a couple of these roaming around the stalls. These girls just had a really eventful night and they want to tell you about it. They will over-share and you will listen, quietly praying a water pipe bursts so you’ll have to evacuate.
  3. The Recent Hook-up: The word hallcest can be heard in low, urgent murmurs echoing around campus. It is a scary concept, but that does not stop it from happening and you can’t really say hallcest without also saying extremely awkward bathroom encounter. Sure, it didn’t seem like a bad idea to throw caution to the wind and hook-up with that guy next door. But now it’s the next morning and there is complete and eerie stillness between the two of you and toothpaste all over your face.
  4. The Person Who Sings in the Shower: I will admit to a certain first-year moment when a friend and I thought it would be hilarious to sing Disney songs at the top of our lungs while in the shower. To all of lower Norton, I hereby apologize. While the occasional shower singing is acceptable, the lyrics to Taylor Swift songs should not be found ringing through the hallway. You will never, ever, ever get those lyrics out of your head.
  5. The Drunk Kid: This last one is an unavoidable reality of college living. There will never cease to be that one person who stumbles into the bathroom and knocks your shower caddy off the counter in his hopeless attempt to examine his handsome self in the mirror. This kid will most likely be loud and will definitely have some trouble with the paper towel machine. (Ed.: I have trouble with those when I’m sober.)

4 responses

  1. Jacking off in the shower is actually a key cause of water misuse in the Southwest. I don’t mess with that Shhhhhhhhhhhh

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