Let’s be honest, you’ve thought about and probably even made some charts. Which professors would you want by your side when the inevitable zombie apocalypse occurs? It might seem obvious. The strong, fast ones, with years of training to win life. But we are at a liberal arts college, not the Olympic Village. Now, I don’t know every great zombie killer/professor at Kenyon. So if you know any professors who didn’t make the list, post it in the comments!
- Joan L. Slonczewski, Biology: Professor Slonczewski writes science fiction novels and is a microbiologist. Her area of speciality is “biology and space travel.” If she can’t come up with a cure for the Z disease, maybe she can find a way to get off this damn planet.
- Glenn McNair, History: Just a badass. “Prior to entering graduate school he had been employed as a police officer and special agent with the United States Treasury Department.” You’d be stupid not to want Professor McNair on your team.
- David Suggs, Anthropology: This bearded professor knows how to ice fish. Survival skills, people! If you run for Canada, you will be set.
- Natalia Olshanskaya, Russian: Professor Olshanskaya lived in the Ukraine before the fall of communism. If she can survive the Soviet Union, she can definitely handle some zombies.
- James Keller, Chemistry: Professor Keller can brew beer. Need I say more?
Warning: Do not ask H. Abbie Erler. Don’t get me wrong, she is a great professor. But in Liberal Democracy today, Professor Erler proved she knows NOTHING about zombies, werewolves, or vampires.