The Closing of Formal Season at Kenyon

Formal Season has officially come to a close. Now, it’s time to buckle down and camp out in one of the many studious nooks this fine campus has to offer. Papers and books aside, allow me one last indulgence as I reflect upon the Kenyon Formal experience and the various styles found dancing about on the plush carpeting of Weaver and other “special” venues. Formals are a great excuse to wrap up a semester of hard drinking work with an evening filled of alcohol too expensive to consume on the average Kenyon evening. This is also a perfect opportunity to impress a certain someone- honestly, who turns down a man in a jacket and tie buying Rainbow Shots at the Cove? No one. Ever. Here are some popular styles seen on Middle Path during Formal Season

More after the jump!

1. The Body-Con Dress with Platform Stilettos

Who knew American Apparel and Steve Madden could be a winning combo? This is a match-made-in-Formal-Heaven and a go-to for many a Kenyon Lady. The Body-Con Dress and Platform Heel often means one thing, and one thing only- you’re single. It takes a great deal of confidence to wear this ensemble so with a vodka soda in your solo, bumpin’ to Make It Nasty, be sure to work it. A word to all the men who so graciously accompany these fine ladies- please walk slowly and offer an arm for balance if need be. No one enjoys eating it on the walk back South at 2:00 a.m.

2. The LBD with Black Pumps

Throw it on and go. This ensemble is for the ladies who give zero fucks about prints clashing, the booties vs. wedges debate, and the nuances of a cocktail ring. The only accessory needed is your Skinny Arm found in the latest Instagram upload. #luvmahgurls All this Kenyon Lady cares about tonight is getting ready with her friends and dancing in a circle around her shoes and pocketbook. Fuck guys tonight- LET’S DANCE!

3. The Borrowed from a Friend Dress and Heels

This dress has made the rounds and for good reason. Call it the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants of Dresses if you will. It looks great on everyone due to that magical, indefinable quality this dress somehow possesses. Perhaps it slurps your body in like a pair Spanx or maybe it gives a girl a lift in all the right places- either way, it guarantees compliments. Didn’t have heels to match it? No worries- your girls have got you covered. The only thing left to do is rage your face off and photo bomb like a pro. Consider it done.

4. Anything but Your Sweat-cedo

You changed. You showered. You put on a jacket and tie. Job well done.

3 responses

  1. Dear Kenyon Women,

    It’s December. Put on some fucking tights and close-toed shoes.

    Dear Kenyon Men,

    Seersucker is not appropriate for a winter formal. Neither are your Nantucket’s.

    Both of you:

    No fucking sneakers. I don’t care if they have glitter, neon colors, or studs. It’s a formal.

    Tis the season,

    A disgruntled sartorialist

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