10 o’clock list: Excuses You Make For Not Doing Work

It’s the awkward time when classes are starting to slow down and finals haven’t quite hit. It’s the perfect storm for procrastination, and the only time when excuses like these will hold up in your brain.

  1. You haven’t eaten dinner yet — When in doubt, always use food as an excuse. How can you be expected to crank out a paper without properly fueling your brain with grilled chicken and salted fries first? Or, perhaps, this is a Market kind of night. You wouldn’t feel ready unless you walked across campus to check out the soup options.
  2. You haven’t had a nap yet — This one is obvious. If you’re feeling even the littlest bit drowsy, go for it. If you’re not giving it 100%, then it’s not worth your time, right? Take a snooze, gear up, and awake with new vigor and ideas. And a little bit of drool on your chin: you should probably wipe that off.
  3. You haven’t checked your mail yet — Maybe your mom sent you a special finals care package! You never know. And you can’t even think about starting work until you know that your finals needs are being properly cared for. Preferably in the form of a package.
  4. You haven’t organized the folders and documents on your computer yet — A cluttered mind leads to cluttered work, and so does a cluttered hard drive. Now would be a good time to organize your work, pictures and GIFs into clearly marked folders. You’ll be so much more at peace with the feng shui of your laptop, and you now know exactly what folder to go to when you need to find a way to react to something on Tumblr.
  5. You haven’t written your Thrill article yet — This one is too close to home for me.

4 responses

  1. To whomever is using my name without my permission,

    I don’t get it. Yes, those are my words. Yes, I wrote that in an article about smoking a couple of months back. But, NO. You have NO right to use them under my name. Ever. It is an enormous violation of my rights as a writer, as a student at this school, and as a human being. If you wanted to quote me, I’d be flattered. If you wanted to show my article around, that would be awesome. I’m not embarrassed about what I wrote. I’m embarrassed that I’ve somehow gained a-what should I call it… the notoriety? the reputation?- a status at this school that has grown in such a way that it makes people believe they can do things like this. You may not like me. As a matter of fact, you may hate me. You may disagree with everything that I say, stand for, believe in, etc. You may think I’m stupid, or a mediocre writer, or too loud and obnoxious. All of those opinions are valid, in a sense, and may even in your mind be well deserved. I don’t mind being disliked. I DO mind being lied about, which is what posting under my name- regardless of what you wrote- amounts to. The internet is a safe-haven for people like you. It is home to the cowardly, the stupid, and the shallow. There are many wonderful things on it as well; but most of the time, below whatever brilliant, innovative, funny, or interesting thing, there will be a string of comments that amount to, “fAgg0t faggot cUNt faGg0t cuNT”. Lying about who you are, ESPECIALLY if you’re writing somewhere that person might see, is no more intelligent or mature than writing that. Grow the fuck up.

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