Overheard at Kenyon, Volume We-Don’t-Know-Anymore

We know — it’s cold out, your head hurts, you’ve been subsisting solely on cheese and you somehow have eight finals in four classes over the next two weeks. What better time could there be for yet another installment of Overheard at Kenyon? Go forth and read, and if you should happen to stumble upon your own choice words somewhere in here — sorry. Use your last living breath upon this earth to deny it.

Perplexed, Hungover Girl in New Side: “Do you want to know what the blond guy at the VI said to me last night? He said,’Keep rockin’, sister.'”

  •  Amused Friend: “Why? What were you doing?”
  • Perplexed Girl: “Rockin’, I guess.”

Cheerful Kid on Middle Path: “I like your sweater so much!”

  • Miniature Fashionista, proudly smoothing sweater: “Thank you! It’s a child-size medium from Goodwill.”

Mystified Storyteller, walking up the stairs from Lower Dempsey: “…And for like a year after that, whenever he heard the theme music to Indiana Jones, he got turned on.”

Drunk Girl in Pumpkin Costume at Peeps Halloween: “Ugh, I’m really upset about that paper.”

  • Equally Drunk Guy in Cowboy Outfit: “Yeah, me too, I got a C.”
  • Drunk Pumpkin: “Oh. I got a B+. Sorry.”
  • Drunk Cowboy: “It’s cool. You’re a lot smarter than me.”

Drowsy, Defensive Dude settling down to sleep on Ascension couch: “…I mean, I haven’t napped in, like, three hours.”

Religious Studies/Ghostbusting Double Major, on cellphone outside the Market: “I don’t know if it was a Jewish ghost. It might have been just a regular ghost.”

Women’s and Gender Studies/Slovenliness Double Major, enthusiastically whispering in Olin: “You don’t have to shower to be beautiful! Don’t let the patriarchy get you down!”

Roommate #1 in WiggleGround booth: “Oh, I meant to tell you earlier, all our bowls are dirty.”

  • Roommate #2, with no apparent irony: “I guess we should… buy new bowls, right?”
  • Quietly Appalled Friend: “Really, guys? This is how you think housekeeping works?”

Slightly Hysterical Girl at Peirce Coffee Station: “Don’t publicly masturbate to me! That’s all I ask!” [Ed.- It’s not an unreasonable request.]

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