Do Kenyon students actually go here? (via Kenyon.edu)

We all do our fair share of winter binge eating. You need more calories when it’s cold. Right? And therefore being cold means burning calories, so just standing outside for like 10 minutes is totally the same as exercise. Probably. But even if not, we all walk to classes, Peirce and Olin, and at this time of the semester, the Registrar. That requires exercise. So really, there is absolutely no reason for you to go to the KAC. Ever. Here are more reasons why you shouldn’t go:

1. You already showered this morning. If you work out, you’ll probably have to do that again. And let’s be real, who has time to shower twice a day? No one, that’s who.
2. You’d have to fight a football player or lax bro if you want to lift weights anyway. “Oh do you lift, bro?” “Yeah, bro, I lift.” “Oh cool bro, what do you bench-press?” And so on. Or at least that’s how I imagine these conversations would go.
3. You just ate. Maybe you were even on your way to the KAC and then when passing Peirce you were suddenly struck with a major English muffin craving. You can’t work out now! The stomachache isn’t worth the workout satisfaction, really. Besides, you won’t be able to admire your new abs when you have a food baby.
4. Can’t find sneakers. Or shiny leggings. Or sports bra. Or it’s all still in the laundry from the last time you “worked out” (like 2 months ago because you only do your laundry when you’re out of underwear or socks).
5. iPod dead. Headphones AWOL. We all know you just can’t have a good workout without some Macklemore. I mean, nothing makes me more pumped to lift weights than $20 in my pocket and shirts that are 99 cents. That song is motivational like nothing else.
6. The hill is too damn steep. Seriously. You’d think that someone going to work out anyway wouldn’t care about a hill but you’d be wrong. That hill is killer. Besides, when it’s like negative a bajillion degrees outside, no one wants to trudge back up that hill soaked in sweat.
7. Where is my K-Card? Don’t I need that to get in or something? After the naked-man-in-woman’s-showers incident and the naked-man-in-library incident, the KAC has gotten pretty uptight about letting pervy looking randos sweat all over the machines. And since I pretty much resemble your stereotypical pervy rando*, I don’t have a chance at getting in without my ID.
8. “Homework”. I don’t have time for a workout, I have econ (aka watching SNL on Hulu) to do.

*just kidding, I’m beautiful.