Every once in a while, we set two Kenyon students up on a Peirce Date. Well, several weeks ago, WKCO invited listeners to win a date with Alex Borkowski ’13. We followed Borkowski and the lucky winner, Mike Jest ’15, on their first friend date, in Peirce.
Learn about their blossoming friendship after the jump!
Contestant #1 – Alex Borkowski:
- Year: 2013
- Major: English
- Hometown: Chagrin Falls, OH
- Best Lie: “I’m definitely not a robot parading around in human flesh.”
- Describe Yourself in Terms of Food: A Bob Evans™ Brand Border Scramble® Three Egg Omelet
- Describe Your Ideal Date: We’d go somewhere fancy, like Ruby Tuesday’s or Jake’s and you’d let me eat a little of your food and even though I didn’t like it much I’d pretend and say I did because I don’t want you to think I’m not having a good time, then we’d go to the Wal Mart parking lot and watch the kited-out Hondas and Nissans drag race and finally we’d head back to my place to play Ghostbusters but I get mad since you laugh at me for wanting to be Egon Spengler instead of Peter Venkman and when you go, “C’mon, even Ray Stantz is a better ‘buster than Egon,” I say that I think it’s time we said goodnight and ask you to leave.
- Best Pickup Line: “Your face is pretty. …Pretty attractive!” Note: this is followed by me doing a fist pump and thinking “nailed it!”
Worst: When I’m immobilized by a crushing sense of my own smallness in the grand scheme of things and don’t actually talk to anybody at a party. Statistically speaking, it’s got a straight 0% success rate. If you’re not into statistics, that’s, uh…well it’s not great.
- Best Thing About Kenyon: February
- Worst Thing About Kenyon: The Troll King that lives in 3C’s utility closet. His riddles are way tough.
- In 20 Years You Are: Wishing that I’d picked a more flattering food for question 4.
Contestant #2 – Mike Jest:
- Year: 2015
- Major: Captain… What are we doing?
- Hometown: Bethesda, MD
- Best lie: Religion. Am I right?
- Describe yourself in terms of food: Spicy
- Ideal Date: In Pierce with Alex Borkowski. Wait.. THAT’S HAPPENING?!?
- Best/Worst pick-up line: Hi. You don’t know me, but I love you.
- Best thing about Kenyon: The spirit of acceptance, tolerance and diversity.
- Worst thing about Kenyon: Bitches.
- In 20 years you are: Disappointed.
About the date…
Borkowski: For my part, I thought the date went incredibly well. Started off with some small talk—these things always do, but then we started getting into the real dirt: swapping tattoo stories (he’s got a great one on his arm from when he tried to get “MOM” in a heart on his arm, but the guy at the tattoo parlor misspelled it so he’s got “MOOM” instead), our worst scar stories (I beat his emotional ones with my decapitation in ’09) and our most intimate secrets. Then we swapped clutch negs and shot the shit about the Hollow Earth and our theories as to who was a member of the Reptoid Shadow Government. I’m pretty sure Loggins and Messina are in on it, but he wasn’t sure.
Jest:It was amazing. By the end we were finishing each others sandwiches.
Borkowski: The atmosphere…could have been better. I never look good in Peirce lighting, but then when we spoke the Words of the Damned and got banished to the Hell Dimension for a little while, it wasn’t great. I mean, I realize it’s the Hell Dimension and all, but they could at least clean up every once in a while. But Mike was a trooper about the whole thing, and eventually we unseated the God-King of Hell and got back just in time for Kung Pao Chicken. Swish!
Jest: Hoppin’, sweaty, and wild.
How did this experience stand up to your previous attempts to make friends in Gambier?
Borkowski: I wouldn’t know. I have never had a friend–thank you for reminding me of this sad fact >:[
Jest: More sexual tension.
Do you think you made a lasting friendship?
Borkowski: Friendship? No. But I think if I play my cards right, I could have a pretty kick-ass nemesis.
Jest: I don’t wanna jinx it, but yeah I think we’ll be best friends forever.