Let’s face it, everyone: this year’s Super Bowl was not about men in spandex milling about and occasionally tackling each other. Tonight was all about Queen of the Universe, Beyoncé Knowles. In light of her flawless, amazing to the point of blackout performance tonight, here’s the Thrill’s list of why Beyoncé should do the halftime performance every year from now until eternity.
- She’s perfect. Beyoncé is probably the closest thing we have to a goddess on earth. Not to be pagan or anything, but let’s face it: Beyoncé is absolutely flawless. Even if she did lip-sync the national anthem (which we are totally cool with, because it still kicked butt), she did break the record for most Grammys won be a female artist in one night, started the Survivor Foundation with one of the other members of Destiny’s Child and had a music video so good, so memorable, that Kanye West was willing to piss off every pubescent girl in the nation by interrupting Taylor Swift at the VMAs.
- You can’t stop looking at her. Since the Janet Jackson incident, the halftime shows have been sort of… saggy. It’s about time that they put somebody who is in the height of their youth and not who my parents listened to when they were in college. Though there have been halftime highlights over time, I think we can all agree that Beyoncé was a sight for sore eyes, even if the holographic Beyoncés were a bit creepy.
- She’s a bad-ass. If Beyoncé ended up actually playing football, she’d probably kick everyone’s ass.
- Everyone loves her. As everyone knows from the Glee phase they had but are unwilling to admit to, adding Beyoncé to football is the only way to make it fun and relatable to people who would otherwise be watching the Puppy Bowl.
- Destiny’s Child. Let’s not forget the reunion of Destiny’s Child. Though the dream was short-lived, tears glistened at the edges of my eyes as I remembered the heyday of the girl-power group and doing a dance routine to Independent Woman at my Jewish overnight camp. Beyoncé is the perfect mixture of past and present.
- Halo. It was a religious experience. If you disagree, you can transfer.