Most of the time when February rolls around I’m left painfully revisiting my team’s failed push for the playoffs, watching the Super Bowl partly out of habit, but mostly because I love watching football, like a lot. This year, at officially about 10:45 p.m., the Baltimore Ravens defeated the San Francisco 49ers 34-31 in Super Bowl XLVII at the Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana. Read the highlights after the jump.
It is a universally accepted fact that Beyonce totally completely and utterly rocked the halftime show last night (and if you disagree with me… I have no words. Other than leave. Just leave.). But for those of you who didn’t actually watch the game and only tuned in for the 20 or so minutes in which Beyonce graced the stage, here’s what you missed in chronological order, as told by me based on my experiences in the Gund Gameroom (where, oddly enough, I’ve watched the past three Super Bowls without fail) laced with a few of my unprofessional, perfectly subjective and often incorrect opinions.
The HarBowl: For the first time in NFL history, two brothers head coached against each other in the Super Bowl, older bro John Harbaugh of the Ravens and younger bro Jim Harbaugh of the Niners. Their dad, Jack Harbaugh, was also a player and coach.
The sentimental opening: At 6:18 p.m. Jennifer Hudson and the Sandy Hook Elementary School Chorus sang “America the Beautiful.” It was very sweet (though Hudson’s bangs and mouth looked like they were fighting for control of her face. It was a little creepy…)
The national anthem: Taking place at 6:22 p.m. and courtesy of Alicia Keys, who didn’t disappoint.
The coin toss: The Ravens won it and opted to defer the choice to the second half. I didn’t even realize you could do that, but apparently you can and they did. So the 49ers started with the ball, and play began at 6:32 p.m., according to my calculations and ability to tell time.
The beginning of the end: By 6:37 p.m., the Gameroom ran out of pizza and about half the people in the room left as a result. The way to a college student’s heart really and truly is through his or her stomach.
The first score: At 6:41, the Ravens scored a touchdown, hopping out to an early 7-0 lead that they would never lose.
- I’ve got a down-to-the-minute play-by-play written down on scraps of paper, but that’s kind of boring so here are the game highlights. Peel your eyes for Jacoby Jones’s AWESOME 108-YARD TD RUN, the longest ever in Super Bowl history, among other gridiron goodies.
The COMMERCIALS: So I know one of the main reasons why we watch the Super Bowl is to see all the funky commercials. Though I gotta admit to being mildly disappointed by the sheer lack of variety and repetition present in this year’s selection. But there were a few gems, like this overly sentimental Budweiser one, and this one, for which I actually also have no words. A few other personal faves include the Audi one, the Got Milk one, the Taco Bell one, both of the Kia ones, and the Tide one near the end.
Overheard at the Halftime Show: Y’all know what happened. Beyonce did her thang, starting at 8:09. Shortly thereafter, there was a girl playing a flaming guitar. Destiny’s Child reunited. Halos went around. And people in the Gameroom responded appropriately. Here are some of their best sound bytes:
- (at the beginning of the performance) Girl: “She is literally the hottest silhouette I’ve ever seen!”
- Girl: “Jay-Z is the luckiest man in the world.”
- Guy: “She’s one of the hottest MILFs in the world.” Enthused response from Girl: “For all genders and races!” Guy, using his perception skills: “I’m sensing a huge lady boner right there.”
- Girl: “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
- Guy (in response to multiple Beyonces appearing simultaneously: “I’m tripping balls right now.”
THE BLACKOUT: At 8:38, half of the lights in the Superdome went out. It was… strange? Poetic because of our own recent blackout struggles? But more than anything, it was entertaining to see a problem we all so readily deal with at least twice a year present in a major televised sporting event. The delay lasted half an hour, and after the lights finally came back on, the 49ers went on to score 17 points over a span of 4:10 in the 3rd quarter, causing the announcers to make a huge array of completely terrible “lights on/lights off/lights out” remarks for the rest of the game.
The End: Even with their late resurgence literally out of the dark, the 49ers weren’t able to bounce back and the Ravens held on to their game-long lead to win 34-31.