This should be a sacred space.

We’ve all been there because we all do our laundry (hopefully). And I know there are often complaints about the sanitary conditions/smell/price of Kenyon laundry rooms, but sometimes you find a nice surprise in your laundry basket that totally overshadows all of these other complaints. Laundry sucks. But count yourself lucky if none of these things end up in your basket:

1. Your sexy lace underwear in shreds. Those dryers can get seriously violent, and if you were not aware that you should never ever put lace in a dryer, the pitiful demise of your lingerie can be the consequence.
2. Someone else’s lacy underwear, shredded or intact. This is exceedingly gross, but sometimes laundry gets stuck in one of the machines, or some asshole piles your clothes on the dirty table on top of someone else’s lacy underwear and when you pick it all up the stranger’s panties come with… ew.
3. Someone else’s hair. I shed constantly and it’s really gross that my hair is always falling out and it’s all tangled up in my laundry, but it is just infinitely worse when you find someone else’s hair(s) in your clothes. And you can’t help but wonder how it got there.
4. Gum. Why anyone would put their gum in one of these machines is beyond me, but if they did it would be seriously annoying and also gross.
5. Important notes/homework assignments/money. All of these lovely paper things get totally fucked when you forget to take them out of your pockets before washing your pants. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to figure out what on earth this piece of paper says. Or why on earth you have just ruined a $20 bill.
6. A human bone. Not only is this absolutely terrifying, it’s also really bad for dryers to have something hard (like a bone) rattling around with your wash. So spare your classmates, and spare the dryers, and spare some lives.
7. All of the socks you’ve just washed… without their matches. My mismatched socks are not a fashion statement; they are the result of many sad, sad laundry disasters.