You may think it’s a sure sign of the dead of winter when you can spot the Nuge by her purple Uggs — but don’t fear! Spring is on its way, and you won’t want to miss out on what’s hip-hop happenin’ on the Hill. Here’s a list of ideas to cure your cabin fever…
1) Big Pimpin’: Barbie-Car Edition. What could possibly be more fun than ridin’ dirty to your 9:10 in this little pink sex-wagon? Legs, bikes, Segways—too much work with too little swag. After class, just roll right into the Caples elevator and back to the penthouse. Come on Kenyon, life in plastic, it’s fantastic!
2) Use Seasonal Pick-up Lines. Easter is rapidly approaching, so boys, don’t fail to seize the opportunity to be super-smooth with a line like, “Hey girl, my name’s Peter Cottontail, can I hop down your bunny trail?” Just be sure to avoid clunkers like, “How ‘bout you put your candy in my Easter basket?” or “Something has risen and it’s not just Jesus.”
3) Follow an Admissions Tour Monty Python Style. That’s right. Whip out those coconuts (no, not those coconuts, get your damn pants on) and get yo gallop on. Bitches goin’ to Camelot.
4) Recover Your Newsfeed from the Greek Invasion. All I have to say is, imma pop a Kappa in somebody’s Alpha if I see one more #sisterzforlife, #epsilongtimenosee, #deltazetadontbeahata, or #imgammaforsomeomegacuteboyz.
5) Get Yourself a Tree Stand. Grab your camera and get in touch with your stealthy side. Kenyon’s very own Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show kicks off in the wee hours after Shock Your Mom. “Models” will stagger down Middle Path at approximately 8:00am. Seating is limited. Early arrival suggested.
no disrespect or anything this is well written, but i mean discussing shock your mom as a freshman? you have never even been a student during shock your mom or kenyon spring for that matter…
“this is well written”?
I like that freshman are able to write these posts. It reminds me of what a cool place Kenyon is. Besides, I’d like to see you try Mr./Mrs. “this is well written.” Here’s a him to start you off: the quotation mark goes inside the quotes.
Whoops, hint. Irony.
Also question mark. Good thing this is anonymous. I give up.
annaliese please dont let geeks with lame upperclassmen Kenyon Culture complex shit block ur shine.
Also, question marks *don’t* go inside quotation marks. Anonymous #2 had it right.
No, they do go inside the quotation marks. I got a perfect score on the SAT grammar. And all grammar practice tests.
hahaha LOVE it… what’s with all the haters? lighten up!
totally agree. stop being so critical and do something good!
Maybe the haters are someone who felt spurned and are targeting you no matter how good you write.
How *well* you write.