10 o’clock list: 5 Reasons It Might Be OK That the Couches in Ascension Are Gone

ascension couches missing

BREAKING NEWS: PEOPLE REACT WITH SHOCK AS WORD OF THE MISSING COUCHES SPREADS

So you wanted nothing more than to sleep off your St. Patty’s day hangover on an Ascension couch? Sorry to rain on your parade, but if you haven’t heard yet, the couches are gone. Before you round up the dog and pony show in protest, take a minute to think about the upside here. Some considerations:

  1. The Full Body Twitch. No, your seizure-like body spasm didn’t scare me at all. I’m just casually hovering over you waiting to do CPR because that’s how I make new friends.
  2. The Alarm Clock. Hey, everybody understands that you don’t want to miss class. However, if I hear goats screeching for the rest of the day because Taylor Swift’s “Trouble” went off in five-minute intervals for a half hour, you will, in fact, be lying on the cold hard ground.
  3. Because You’ve Never Been More Attractive. Because the first thing I think when I see someone sprawled out with their mouth wide open is “Aww damn! Lemme get at those tonsils.” Or, “Boy, the back of yo’ mouth is ridiculous.”
  4. Because You’ve Opened Yourself Up for Creeper Photos. It’s not my fault that you decided to fall asleep in a public space and then made weird faces. No worries, I got like a hundred likes on Instagram.
  5. Because You Don’t Know What Happened There. Oh yeah, you had a nice little nap drooling on the cushions face-down, ass-up. Little did you know your BFFs decided to scratch that same couch off their fucket list while they were gettin’ frisky last night. Ow-Ow!

24 responses

  1. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | SaltyPepper

  2. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | QastMe

  3. Pingback: Darrell From "Can I Have Your Number" Was Played By A Woman

  4. Pingback: Darrell From "Can I Have Your Number" Was Played By A Woman - Do You Still Hate Me?

  5. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | ViralBumps.com

  6. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | SOCIOSCENE

  7. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | Best Seller Shop

  8. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | Photography Tips

  9. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | ☯ SAWFISH MANGO

  10. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman – RenFeed Viral News

  11. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman – SocialBuzzly

  12. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | Article Marketing

  13. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | Viral Camera

  14. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | Add This Shop : Social Bookmarking

  15. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman | OkVideoGuy

  16. Pingback: Darrell From "Can I Have Your Number" Was Played By A Woman - Sport eEquipments in UK | sportequipt.co.uk

  17. Pingback: Darrell From "Can I Have Your Number" Was Played By A Woman - Home & Kitchen Appliance Offers at kitechen.co.uk

  18. Pingback: Darrell From "Can I Have Your Number" Was Played By A Woman - Sports & Outdoors Offers | outdoorzi.co.uk

  19. Pingback: Darrell From "Can I Have Your Number" Was Played By A Woman - DIY Tools & DIY Tools Kit | Tools Tips

  20. Pingback: Darrell From “Can I Have Your Number” Was Played By A Woman – c5 Cheap

  21. Pingback: Darrell From "Can I Have Your Number" Was Played By A Woman - Deals in All Shoes - vshoes.co.uk

Share your thoughts on this post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s