Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. The only evidence of our petty existence? AllStu archives. Let’s take a closer look at the trials and tribulations of Kenyon-stu’s this week.

The general student body seems a little, erm, tense. Is it simply repercussions from the stress-inducing Great AllStu War of February? Fear of death by spoon flick? ALARM? Desperation? General angst? All are symptomatic in campus-wide contact.

TIME IS RUNNING OUT! Oh god oh god, breathe, breathe. ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR-FIVE, okay. I am calm. Caaalm. My mind is a fortress of zen. Time is on my side, so please don’t tell me otherwise.

KCDC Presents: BOOM AHHHHHHH.

Those poor kids… What? Who? The kids getting heart-palpitations/brain-hemorrhages from unnecessarily alarming uses of ellipses?! The Holden Caulfield’s of the world? The thinkers? No, the dreamers. The philosophy majors?

Can you wear a tutu better than this guy? I accept this challenge. Oooohhhh, there’s a visual. A noble cause, no doubt. Perhaps even life-fulfilling.

What is the next step in human evolution?? Please let the answer be more men in tutus. No? Are you sure?  I just lost my sense of purpose. All over again. *sigh*

Want to live somewhere beautiful? Yes please, I just want to cultivate my own garden. But the BFEC is so far away. But trees are nice. But hills are bad. Or are they? Is it really a hill, or just the impression of a hill? Am I in the cave? PLATO! What is the price of human happiness?