Look, you guys, I don’t know what music is cool. I think maybe I knew what was cool to listen to in 2008, but I haven’t really been keeping up since then. It’s exhausting! Not only is there new music coming out every single day, but all the coolest stuff is the stuff that’s hardest to listen to. I mean, have you tried listening to Blue Hawaii? It’s like a comps exam for your ears. No thanks! If keeping up with cool music makes your brain hurt but you still want to party to something besides Rihanna (people still listen to Rihanna, right?), try putting on these thoroughly uncool songs:
Robin Thicke is pretty much the opposite of cool. His dad is Canadian sitcom star Alan Thicke. He really wants to make #THICKE happen. He’s a white Canadian dude singing R&B who’s not Justin Bieber. This song and video are oddly hilarious (TI pretends to count money! Robin gets slapped with a foot!) but it’s still good to dance to on account of its sweet bass line and the part where Robin Thicke goes “I know you want it.”
When I first heard this song I thought it was probably already a huge hit because it totally sounds like something cool kids would like. But I was wrong! Cool kids don’t seem to like it at all. You can’t win with those guys. The point is, this song is an amazing party jam with a huge chorus and a horn riff that comes in after the breakdown like wow.
From what I gather, it is not cool to like Vampire Weekend. It was cool to like “Oxford Comma” for like five minutes in 2008 but then you were supposed to complain about their whole privileged Wes Andersony aesthetic. But you know what? Vampire Weekend is one of my favorite bands. So there. Their second album was way better than their first, and this new track their upcoming third album Modern Vampires of the City (shut up) shows that the band is continuing to evolve and experiment in awesome ways. “Step” isn’t much of a dance track, but it’s perfect for the contemplative walk home from a party where you felt too awkward to dance.
If you’ve been keeping up with your public radio, you’ve probably heard of Thao Nguyen (pronounced Tao Wen). But all those radio producers aren’t just jazzed because she’s an Asian woman who plays the banjo. This alt-country/folk track is slamming. That beat just does not give up. Finally, music you and your parents can enjoy together!
Planning on staying home alone with your headphones on this Saturday? Me too. If you’re in the mood to feel some serious feelings, Laura Stevenson is your friend. I actually do not know whether Laura Stevenson is cool. She’s been featured on Pitchfork and stuff, but I’ve never met anyone who listens to her and didn’t discover her through the punk band she used to be in (RIP Bomb the Music Industry!). So maybe you’ve all been crying salty tears to this song for weeks. Who knows.
After you’re done with your headphone feelings, cheer yourself up with a comedy podcast! Real talk: I listen to podcasts way more than I listen to music. It’s a great way to ease loneliness and drive away those pesky thoughts of your own mortality. Jordan, Jesse GO! is one of the first and best of the “comedians talk about stuff for 60-90 minutes” podcast genre, which I think we can all agree is the least cool of the podcast genres. Have a great weekend, dorks.