The weird thing about college, and the thing I would anxiously think about in bed at night the summer before my first year, is that it’s kind of this weird tube-like time machine. You enter it as a teenager who lives with their parents and has to ask permission to go out and whose laundry is magically clean every Sunday, and leave it as a fully formed, independent adult. Your college years are actually this weird limbo where you want to be treated like a mature adult when it comes to making decisions and contributing your opinions, but less so when it comes to who calls to schedule your doctor’s appointments. Here are some things you are old enough to do, but probably don’t feel ready for yet.
- Book a room at the Kenyon Inn — If you’re looking for a romantic getaway, or just want to sleep somewhere that doesn’t have that faint odor of mouse-decaying-behind-walls, The Kenyon Inn is the obvious place to pamper yourself. You can call, book a room, blow your bank account, and swagger on into the lobby, but the moment a real grown human approaches you, it’s probably because they’re asking you where your parents are.
- Taxes — If anything, society owes me for all the time I spent last summer cleaning up the Children’s section of Barnes and Noble and scanning people’s freshly purchased copies of Fifty Shades of Grey, but for the first time this year I had to answer things like “are you a dependent?” Yes. Pretty much on everyone and everything. Does that answer your question?
- Vote — When I think of voting, I still think of writing names for Class President on a torn-out sheet of loose-leaf. When I voted for President of the United States this year, I was half expecting the bell to ring before I had a chance to fully scribble “your mom” as a write-in.
- Get published — When I was about ten I was convinced that I was going to be the youngest author ever to publish a novel. When that deadline passed, I decided to be the youngest person to ever write a screenplay. While that never worked out, I technically was one of the youngest authors to ever write a 10 o’clock list for The Kenyon Thrill, but I’m still waiting for Ellen to invite me onto her show.
- Get married — Please tell me I’m not the only one coming from a place where couples from my high school are already married? With kids? I can barely wear a pair of socks without making holes in the toe, how are other people taking care of babies without accidentally getting them caught on the hinge of a door and tearing them???