If you celebrated Easter as a kid, you probably have fond memories of joyfully scouring your backyard for bright pastel eggs. Easter morning at Kenyon is just like that, except instead of eggs hidden with love by Mom, your prize is a bunch of half-empty beers flung around campus by dummies who were too busy celebrating Newman Day to find a trash can. Don’t get jaded, though — incorporate a cheery Easter basket and a can-do spirit, and hunting down dented cans will feel exactly like the good old Easters of yore.
Read on for a special Easter treat, brought to you by gratuitous littering and Keystone Light (“Keyster Egg Hunt?” LOL, puns.)
My search began in Peirce, which quickly yielded two fine Natty Lights chillin’ side by side.
The Easter Bunny’s next gift for me was the first of many warm Keystone Lights,
perched quaintly against the Timberlake House sign.
(Aside — as a campus, we drink entirely too much of this shit. I think that’s probably what I’m yelling as I put the can in the basket.)
Someone out there is living a “High Life” indeed, leaving their completely full Miller
by the Crozier trash for no apparent reason. Well, aren’t we lah-dee-dah.
This was one of my favorite finds — an elegant red-and-white Bud, framed by the
glorious green facade of the Cove. These are the vistas that make me love Kenyon.
As we edge from South to North Campus, the discarded beer of choice begins to edge imperceptibly
from Keystone to Pabst Blue Ribbon — I found this lonely little PBR in its natural habitat, on the hill behind Gund Commons.
I came upon this scene of post-apocalyptic party chaos outside an NCA That Shall Not Be Named,
and although it wouldn’t fit inside my basket, I had to include it anyway. Looks like someone got
rid of their candy-cane Christmas decorations just in time for Easter!
This NCA had the sweetest Easter setup I’ve ever seen, complete with blanket, Harvest Blue Moon and calculator.
Gotta do your Calc homework while you drink, or the Easter Bunny won’t smile upon you.
This tableau outside New Apts. validated my entire quest — I organically came across an overturned six-pack container
next to an empty egg carton.Whoever the creators of this scene are, they sure know how to celebrate the rising of our Lord.