Yesterday I spent 12 hours in bed. I went to my 9:40, and then I got in bed and slept through lunch, my 2:40, practice, and dinner. Then I got up to brush my teeth and then I went to bed for the night. In my defense, I was sick. To be fair I have a cold, I’m not like dying or something. I probably should have gotten out of bed but my sweatpants are comfy and SO MUCH SNOT and don’t you judge me, I see you judging me, STOP IT. At first I thought “this is not a day”. But actually, there are very minimal requirements for it to legitimately constitute “a day”. It’s all subjective, right?

For it to count as a day, you have to eat at least one meal. You don’t have to make it to the dining hall because I totally understand the appeal of your bed over a long walk to Peirce. I live in Leonard and I still can’t be bothered to walk all the way to Peirce sometimes.

You have to go outside. Not for long or anything, but you should know what the weather is like without having to Google it.

A shower is not required but highly recommended. Like actually really highly recommended. For everyone’s sake. However, if you don’t wash your hair we totally understand. Still counts. Baths are also acceptable but if you live in New Apts you might not want to use your own bathtub. Like ever.

You have to do SOMETHING. Have an accomplishment. My accomplishment yesterday was watching 11 episodes of Parks and Recreation. This is an acceptable accomplishment because it’s a really good show and also Amy Poehler is awesome. Which makes it legitimate.

If you ask someone “how was your day?” and they say something like “well I’m glad you asked, I woke up with the sun at 6 AM, did some morning yoga, went for a 10 mile bike ride on the Gap Trail, passed comps, killed a dove with my bare hands and cooked it, and did 6 hours of community service in Knox County. Just your average day” and they are not being sarcastic no will blame you if you kill them. Also I do not endorse the killing of doves, it was an example. But I just want to say: you don’t have to do this with your day. You have every right to be a lazy motherfucker and watch TV all day. That’s what the internet is for.