…we’re just really far along in our slow decline into alcoholism.
Don’t be fooled by the breaking (ish) news posted earlier today, we are not a party school. Yes, there is drinking. And yes, there are parties. But if you’ve drunk-cried in your room at 8PM more times than you’ve drunk-puked at 1AM then not only would we really get along, but you’re not exactly going as HAM as Buzzfeed might make it seem.
- We have coat racks — My friend goes to one of the bigger party schools listed. During one of my visits in the dead of winter, I innocently inquired as to the prevalence of coat racks at the approaching party. I have been severely mocked in high pitched voices without fail at every get together we’ve had since. It’s been over a year.
- Drinking a bottle of wine and then promptly falling asleep on the couch in your friend’s NCA is not partying — No. But it is a damn good time in my book.
- Last time I went to a party I got punched in the face — YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
- You’ve been more drunk in the balcony of an Owl Creeks/Chamber Singers/Mountain Music concert than you were at Shock Your Mom — Every big all-campus party that gets hyped for weeks beforehand has managed to, without fail, fall massively short of expectations upon arrival. But, my God, I would pick slurring along to “Kokosing Fairwell” over sweaty-crotch-all-up-on-my-beeeee-hind any day.
- We have coat racks — I just really want to emphasize this point as much as possible. Nothing says “party on, Wayne” like “I left my North Face and scarf on the coat rack in Ganter. I knew I shouldn’t have worn my Burberry.”