So, the Housing Lottery happened. People laughed, people cried, people got Caples doubles and most of us forgot about it. For some, though, housing woes are still a source of stress — if you’re one of the unlucky few who got shafted, we’ve devised our own little Freudian analysis to help you through.
Q — So I got a New Apt., but I’m having second thoughts about all of my housemates. What should I do?
A — Ach, yes, das “Hating-All-Ihre-Frienden-Syndrome.” It would appear that this issue clearly stems from feminine hysteria brought on by acute penis envy. Go lie down.
Q — I got summer-housed, and I have no idea where I’m living next year. At this point, I’m considering just moving back home and commuting from Cincinnati. What do I do next?
A — Recognize that you are suffering from the classic Oedipal impulse to kill your father and marry your mother, known in the psychiatric community as “Das Motherboy.” Move on from Das Mutter and make your peace with Das Mather, where you’ll most likely end up.
Q — My two roommates and I are psyched to live together when we get back from abroad, but one of them wants to go hard South and the other one wants to burrow North. How can I please them both?
A — If your lascivious, unbridled id is pushing you toward ein “Old Kenyon triple” and your ultra-moral, well-behaved super-ego is pulling you toward ein “Caples Wellness suite”, you must make das Compromisen and choose Watson. That way, as the old German proverb goes, “Ndemand ist besonders glücklich.” (Nobody is particularly happy.)
Hope that helped! Danke schoen! Wilkommen in Berlin! Other common German phrases!