We like to stay pretty competitive here at The Thrill, and a Blog Off is one way we can definitively prove that one of us is objectively a better blogger (and, dare we say, a better person). So we leave it to you, the reader, to decide in a blind taste test who is really better as we square off on various topics.
This week we have a matchup between Claire Berman and Anna Coppelman, two first-year members of our staff. The topic? Shock Your Mom, expectations versus reality. Let the games begin.
Blog A: 9-4-2012:
Dear Diary, I heard about a party called Shock Your Mom today! It sounds so super fun. Apparently Playboy used to run a story about it every year? So scandalous! Well, I’ve been thinking about my costume already! I was thinking that I could borrow one of my friend’s Obama shirts and I could go as a liberal! Oh my gosh, that would totally shock my mom. But maybe I’ll have a super cute Kenyon boyfriend by then and we can do a super cute couple thing! That’s an issue I could totally deal with! Teehee! I can’t wait until April! Kenyon is so super special awesome!
You’d think that campus safety would have something better to do then kick people out of Tomsich on 4-20. Considering the debauchery going on campus, you’d think there’d be enough Good Samaritans too keep them busy. But no. They have to kick out a few highly-stressed individuals whose only solace from the mind-numbing monotony of hours spent in front of a textbook and the mocking cursor of a blank Word Document blinking in time to Satan’s heartbeat is a shot of vodka, highly diluted in a water bottle filled with cranberry juice. At least in the morning I’ll be able to go on Facebook, look at my classmates’ pictures and feel a mild sense of superiority to supplement my intense self-loathing and anti-social tendencies. I hate college. At least Netflix can ease my pain.
Blog B: “Shock Your Mom, or, How to Make Your Mom Cry: dongs, thongs and bongs.”
It’s the title of my new play! Inspired by real life events at our civilized small liberal arts school. Hmmm. Doesn’t have quitethe right ring to it. Now, I don’t know about your mother, but mine seems virtually un-shockable. I, on the other hand, am very much shockable. In efforts to shock out poor lovely mothers, we managed to only disgust each other! My brain is slowly trying to cope with the copious and plentiful butt cheeks of swimmers and wannabe swimmers (some well-formed, others in need of some glute-work). Luckily, every mother’s precious son balanced snakes and flotation devices over his thong, for modesty’s sake! All the ingredients were there: flesh, sweat, booze, Top 40 Dance Hits of 2012. All contained in the lovely, bar/bat-mitzvah-approved Gund Ballroom! It was a truly charming event. I guess I didn’t do it very well. The most scandalous outfit I came up with was a very shocking trench coat, with nothing* on underneath (note: I was the worst flasher ever). My mother is probably more surprised that I bought and wore something from Goodwill without washing it first. Overall, it was a night of drunken debauchery that I wasn’t nearly drunk or debaucher-ous enough for. I suppose there’s always next year. If only the prospies registering in Gund Ballroom with their mommies and daddies Sunday morning knew…
*Not really. Too cold.
BLOGGER B TEN TIMES FUNNIER LIKE ACTUALLY.