Rejoice, my sun-starved peers, Sendoff is upon us. I can already feel my blood turning to Franzia-induced sludge, my eyes swelling from hours of pong and Keystone Light. Who knows, the temperature may even get above 60 degrees this year! While this celebration of debauchery may not be as idyllic as it used to be, I am preemptively nostalgic and thus have compiled a surefire shopping list for all you Sendoff neophytes.
- Duct tape. Let’s start with something simple and easy to acquire. Duct tape has a lot of uses on South Quad, particularly as the day wears on and you’re having trouble keeping track of your shit. Just slap a few strips of this stuff on your arm, leg, stomach, wherever, and you’ve magically got a part-skin, part adhesive wallet! You definitely won’t lose your phone this way.
- Wine purse. Now this, this is the Lucille Bluth of Keystone cases. I am completely serious, if anyone wants to become my patron a la the Medici fam, this is all I want. In regards to bringing alcohol to South Quad, as is expected of 21-year-olds, these are the things I won’t do: drag a case of beer down Middle Path, lug a box of Franzia around. Things I will do: sling this elegant cardboard purse over my shoulder and saunter around like the classy bitch that I am.
- Snuggie. The ultimate downfall of Sendoff is the mid-afternoon nap, and I often spend at least an hour Moaning Myrtle-ing around Hanna until I can find someone willing to let me collapse on their floor. No longer! With this bad boy (or this alternative), you can just lay down wherever and sleep off those four 10 a.m. mimosas. Perf.
- Body paint. Nothing like waking up from your Snuggiefied South Quad nap with images of human anatomy splashed across your skin. Last year someone painted “POOP” on both of my feet. It was really special.
- A crown of some sort. Think of this as insurance for your pride. Regardless of what ends up happening, be it face-planting onto a pong table or accosting your unrequited love, you’re wearing a crown. So.