Overheard at Kenyon: This Is the String Cheese Table

via technorati.com

via technorati.com

Logical Sophomore Girl: “My rationale was, if we’re kissing, he can’t be stabbing me.”

Judgmental First Year at the Deli: “He looks like a human pubic hair.”

Blogger: “Someone told me my skin was blogger-colored.”

Weak-handed Sophomore: “Can you carry my bagel? It’s hurting my hand.”

Average College Student: “All I think about sometimes is having sex on a table.”

Take Five Groupie: “Nick Foster [’13] sang Black and Gold.”

  • Confused Friend: “Not Black and Yellow by Wiz Khalifa?”
  • Groupie: “Nah.”
  • Friend: “Interesting.”

Sophomore Guy: “I can’t think of anything that would shock my mom. Though right now she’s so high on percocet, I don’t think she’d care.”

Thrill Editor #1: “A 10 o’clock list I solicited last night was birds seen around campus.”

  • Thrill Editor #2: “I love birds.”

Cautious Junior: “If my body is on fire, you need to body slam me. Hard. Anything. But I do NOT wanna be on fire.”

Wise Young Gent: “If you’re super rich, do whatever you want. Which is general bonus of being rich, you can do whatever the fuck you want.”

Meanie: “This is the string cheese table.”

  • String Cheese Lover: “You have string cheese?”
  • Meanie: “No.”
  • SCL: “You can’t make jokes about string cheese and then not have any.”

Professor: “No matter where you go to work, people, there will be vicious politics. And the smaller the politics, the more vicious the people. Prepare yourselves, people. Prepare and preserve.”

Just Another Kenyon Student: “I just can’t interact with people unless they’re my friends.”

Girl #1: “You didn’t give me a jelly! It was one of the last fruit snacks. That was rude.”

  • Girl #2: “They are mine.”

Thoughtful Senior Girl: “Like, there’s always the question: is it a baby or is it your period?”

Responsible Junior Guy: “I’m drinking more every night so that when I go out Friday night, I’ll be less hungover on Saturday to meet your parents.”

Hungover Individual: “When you wake up after you smoked the night before, you know, it doesn’t feel like the way an Amish person would feel in the morning.”

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