Oh, you’re headed home? Thrilling. Before you spout off about your plans to do everything, let’s take a minute to talk about heading home. You may encounter those things called parents and siblings. Shit. Don’t panic, as per usual we have your back. Some tips for pulling yourself together before you bounce:
1) Recall that “Fuck” is not a socially acceptable filled pause. Hey now, nobody is denying the utility of this word. Just don’t forget to follow up your “G-Ma how the fuck are you?!” with “what’s your bench max these days?”.
2) Pack like a real person. Look, you do you—but just know that to the real world (that means mommy and daddy), wrapping your bottle of Svedka in your tightey whities doesn’t make you a hustler. It makes you an alcoholic.
3) Be prepared. Speaking of alcoholism, if you’re also part of the kiddie-shit population of this school, you’re probably going to want to get your act together. That’s right—Pabst on Pabst on Pabst.
4) Locate your dignity. Because getting schwasty in suburbia is about as bad as it gets.
5) Understand that you will survive summer. Keep the class, lose the sass, and get a lil’ bitta ass. You’ll be fine.